Léonie

Hi, if you have arrived at this page, then I guess you've probably already read some of my diary entries. I recreated this website to share my experiences of rural life within the Scottish Borders. Previously another website existed recording my travels across the UK from years 2012 to 2021; much of this content has been lost; whatever content I've recovered I have merged with this current website. This website has been heavily self censored from a turmoil state of utter despair, of which I'll explain in detail later. I'm a fifty-year-old woman living in Ancrum in the Scottish Borders, I moved to this village from the town Hawick on 6th June 2024 after being emergency rehoused (from rough sleeping homelessness) by Scottish Borders Council in November 2022. During COVID-19 lock down, I was emergency rehoused (from rough sleeping homeless) in a caravan park near Goonhaven by Cornwall District Council before being accommodated into supported housing in Truro during April 2021. From 2017 to 2019 I was informally sheltered by the humanity of a "faery friend" in Stroud. Born in Loughborough, North-West Leicestershire, I was raised in a village (now a town) named Shepshed. Father a printer's clerk, and children's book author, mother a linker in the hosiery trade; I was raised with one sibling brother. My childhood was horrific, at five years old my mother devoiced becoming a single parent mother cursed with paranoid schizophrenia; father remarried, our spiteful and selfish stepmother denounced us as zombies because she could not empathise, nor wanted to understand that we were traumatised. Throughout my childhood I was bullied, denounced as "alien" or "freak" whenever I was "seen". My right hand was box cutter slashed from thumb to index finger by these bullies, who were my brother's friends; he gave them access into our home. Since 2014 he has refused to speak to me, even when I was eaten alive by flesh flies in Sri Lanka his "dark triad" personality shunned my pleas for help. From the age of eleven, I was taken into care after my delusional and enraged mother, grasping a cook's knife, chased away a canvassing MP.

I was an emaciated child, mother threw away all our food, she thought a man named "David" was entering into the house and that he was "raping" her and "poisoning" our food, and we, as her children, were terrorised for conspiring with this intruder against her. At school, a teacher tormented me with the name "baby blue eyes"; he pulled out clumps of my hair. Another teacher, not observing a response, went from wrapping to stabbing my hand with a ruler as punishment for being vacant. It was not all bad though, I did learn music, through the loan of an old dented trumpet. Two of my mother's relatives were kind and did what they could to look after us, but other than a social worker, we were alone with mother and her delusions. Mother was originally diagnosed with depression and given Electro-Convulsive Therapy, until she could not remember who I was. Life at home was dangerous, I took sanctuary in the countryside until the day I was led away by a social worker, told not to look back at windows that were being boarded up at my mother's house. From the age of eleven until fifteen I experienced fifty-two moves in care, with friends of the family, foster parents in between three different children's homes placements. As a weary, street drinking fifteen-year-old, I was unofficially discharged homeless from government care. I joined the New Age travelling community, then after three or four years became a direct activist on road protest camps. Between 1996 and 1998 I lived in Easton, Bristol, at an Anarchist housing cooperative that also functioned as a café, library and bike repair worship. After leaving, I became a hall of resident student at Ruskin College, Oxford. As an unpopular and somewhat isolated mature student I studied politics with tutor Bob Purdy, I also became a life member of the Oxford Union debating society.

Whilst living in Herne Hill, South-West London, I found Buddhism through a meditation group held at Brockwell Lido; two weekly meditations I practiced by the Friends of the Western Buddhist Order centred on mindfulness. From this group I found a Mahayana Buddhist meditation group in Soho; meditations were guided by South African composer Dirk de Klerk, and overseen by guidance of Tibetan Lama Ringu Tulku. After meditating for several months I took refugee with Ringu Tulku at Friend's Meeting House located near Euston station; Ringu gave me a protection cord, and a piece of paper with the Tibetan name "Pema" written on it; I also took additional Bodhisattva vows whilst at this event. Whilst living in London I also found Hinduism, at a Sri Lankan kovil in Tooting, discovering this temple felt as though I was arriving home after a bewildering long journey. I felt a sense of warmth from priests and the temples community, so frequented there twice-weekly; often enjoying Masala Dosai downstairs in a South Indian restaurant named Sarkonis. My presence at the Kovil was ethnically odd, but was overall tolerated and informally welcomed by a minority. I visited other Dravidian Kovils, and pooja shops, I explored as from light reflected from pictures of different deities provoking additional curiosity to visit other Kovils across London; notably with Gujarati Hindu people located around the area of Wembley. In the area of East Ham I found and frequented for several months, a Kovil dedicated to Lahksmi. I anchored to Dravidian Kovils in Tooting and East Ham, where light connected in correspondence, whilst other Kovils remained a transient fade in and out awareness of Darshan. I decided to go to India and explore Hindism there, so purchased a Heathrow to Amdavad nine hour flight ticket from Southall Travel.

In 2010 I found myself homeless upon the streets of Westminster, London, on these busy streets, Christian Communism found me vulnerable and exploited the dire situation I was suffering. Sleep-deprived, unwashed, and enduring escalating states of derealisation I was ritually abused at night, inside shop doorways by African men pouring bottles of spring water over me. I spoke to a police officer who advised me to gather evidence, I took photographs with a mobile phone, and through examining exiff data realised I was being time stalked at 23 and 45 minutes past every hour. Wherever I went these ritual abusers would make every effort to be there, this lasted for about a year, accumulating in over 19,000 intrusions. Whilst impoverished, I was also violated, purchased items of clothing were substituted for used items to void me from that new feeling. Methods used against my person were very similar to Zersetzung, a psychological warfare technique used by the STASI to repress political opponents in East Germany during the 1970s and 1980s. They associated affect to inanimate objects, constructing contact repercussions that initiated fight or flight duress, exploiting and utilising sustained trauma inflicted from surviving homelessness upon the streets of Westminster. These inanimate objects, atleast the ones I noticed (from examining images taken from my mobile phone camera) became phobia omens, anxiety triggering panic, disoccaitive states, that accumilated a progressive derealisation of a dire situation, locked into a form of "should I stay, should I go" psychological torment. Apperell logos were used as psychological warfare insignia; these included Chicago Bulls, Raiders, Tapout, Nike and Obey. Recently, after undisturbed research, I matched the Red and Black (Jesuit colours) Chicago Bulls logo to a portrait photograph of a Dominican Saint named Martin dePorress. Flipped horizontally, this logo reveals an unhappy tin robot man reading from a book resting upon a triple Latin cross. This triple Latin cross, in the form of a carved stone is located on Isle Martin 57°56′42″N 5°13′30″W, near Ullapool, the small island, named after Saint Martin previously hosted a monastery dedicated to Saint Martin. Martin dePorres revered in the form of an apostolate has historically been assoicated with Bolshevik Valdamir Lennin, a third world overthow of the first world (Third Worldism) and Liberation Theology theorised into critique by Marxists such as Jesuit Jacques Derrida, and more recently by Rudolf J. Siebert. Pope Francis, the first Jesuit Pope appeared on TIME Magazine Cover as The "People's Pope" - July 29, 2013, the covers split light illustration (used by Erwin Blumenfeid during the Weimar Republic to convey mystery and tragedy) appeared abstracted from the Chicago Bulls logo. Dennis Rodman makes infrequent trips to North Korea, hosted by despot leader Kim Jong-Un, his regime utilises muralism, symbolised by the country's reverence of the paint brush. Rodman, a crossdresser had an affair with pop singer Madonna, she performed song "like a prayer" in adoration of Martin dePorres. Kim Jong Un's brother Kim Jong-nam was travelling on a Dominican Republic passport when he was VX nerve agent assassinated.

At the zenith of psychological abuses, between 2013 and 2015 I was detained by police and medics, as a danger to myself, seventy-four times under section 136 of the mental health act. Whilst detained on acute mental health wards these psychological attacks did not abate; so disturbed had I become that I locked myself into a shower room and slashed deeply my forearms at Lakeside Mental Health Unit; the bathroom door was forced open, I was taken by a psychiatric nurse to Middlesex hospital, sewn up, then abruptly discharged homeless from the care of the mental health unit a mere two hours later. At Highgate mental health unit I was detained for two months on Amber and Sapphire wards, police had roused me disorientated and hyperthermic, dissociated from the cold, sleeping under snow upon a windswept Hampstead heath. On Amber ward a mixed race friend, also a patient suffered racism by care support workers (of African origin) stating "why you hanging around with her, remember who enslaved you"; for her protest she was held down and suppressed with anti-psychotic meds; shortly after she was rushed to A&E after suffering an allergic reaction. At Prospect Park Hospital in Reading a nurse of Filipino origin repeatedly requested I show my boobs to him; my complaints to the hospital administration were ignored. In hindsight, I suspect his inappropriate desires to be influenced by Family International's "She's a Robot". At St Anns hospital (Poole), Section 2 locked down on Merley Ward I was forcefully injected with anti-psychotics prescribed by two psychiatrists that had wrongfully formulated a misdiagnosis of Schizophrenia from dialogue with my evil, estranged brother. They attempted to lock me down under a Section 3 (six month detainment order) but with an advocate's help I took them to a medical tribunal winning an immediate discharge after a report was presented from an independent psychologist, he had assessed me for two hours, finding not a trace of psychosis. At a 136 unit located at Stoke Mandevil hospital I was detained waiting psychiatric consultation for almost sixty-two hours; I had been transferred to the unit from Aylesbury police station where I suffered a brief experience of the "deep states" five techniques. Within a prison cell I was wrestled to the floor by a group of police men, two officers knee pressured my shoulders, another two upon my legs, my wrists handcuffed, my arms used as leverage to suppress my breathing against the floor until I became unconscious whilst a custody sergeant hurled insults. At Melksham police station I was punched to the cell floor, they exposed my genitalia to the cell CCTV camera; my wrists were so swollen from the incident they took me to Bath A&E for an X-ray before being taken to Green Lane Mental Health Unit for psychratric assessment. In Derby I was taken to Mary Street Police Station, locked in a cell for eighteen hours without food or water with no contact whatsoever. After administering Diazepam the arriving duty doctor demanded my immediate release.

To this day I don't know why they targeted me, but I can point to many assocciate connections such as sharing the same birthday with Chicago Bulls player Denis Rodman and mass murdering Marxist, the Rev Jim Jones aka the "People's Temple". It should be noted that Jones father, a WW2 veteren had breathing difficulties from suffering a chemical weapons attack; many of Jones terrorised followers also complained of breathing difficulties. The Black Lives Matter martyring of home invading, convicted felon George Floyd replicated "I can't breathe" across the modern first world. Rev Jim Jones in his day was a popular man, having recieved the Martin Luther-King Humanitarian award, with his Black Panther and Nation of Islam associates he was an avid Marxist and perhaps the first, and hopefully the last multicultural, rainbow (Jones was advocated by Harvey Milk) father of Christian Communism. Martin Luther King jr (MLK) as a Christian renounced Communism as incompatible with Christianity stating "basic philosophy of Christianity is unalterably opposed to the basic philosophy of communism" citing what he saw as rampant secularism and materialism in communism as evidence that communism "leaves out God". MLK also stated “For the communist there is no divine government or no absolute moral order, there are no fixed, immutable principles.”; in hindsight of the Assination of Malcom X, perhaps this was the reason why MLK was slain, considering his mentor and speech writer Stanley Levison was known to the FBI as a Comintern recruitment agent. MLK Highland folk school comrade was Abner Berry, future member of the Central Committee of the Communist Party USA. NAACP founder W.E.B duBois made visits to China hosted by mass murderer Mao Zedong, duBois wife Anna Strong was an honorary member of China's Red Guard (these revolutionaries ate the torn out hearts of their terrorised victims). Comintern writer C.L.R James, a neighbour of Bob Marley (Railton Road) ghost wrote many Wailers songs; on his way to the Oval to commentate cricket, he would often pop in to the Rastafarian temple at St Agnes Place. Haile Selassie took his entire family to meet Mao Zedong; Rastafarian prophet Marcus Garvey thought blasphemous the worship of Selassie as a living God, a unmoveable ethno-nationalist Garvey never regarded himself as a religious visionary, he was also committed to racial purity, and was invariably against race mixing, leaving Du Bois denouncing Garvey as ‘a grand distraction’. Maoist Noel Ignatiev co-founder of Race Traitor magazine edited C.L.R James dual book "A New Notion", two books within were titled "The Invading Socialist Society" and "Any Cook can Govern". Garvey knew of the Rastafarians from his time in Jamaica during the 1930s, but his view of them, according to scholar Barry Chevannes, “bordered on scorn”.

I have been made aware of others experiencing similar attacks; if you are, or know somebody being targeted by oppressive and illegal state repression in the form of psychological warfare (methods designed to break down, undermine, and paralyse people behind "a facade of social normality" in a form of "silent repression") then do not hesitate contact me. I advise you to look after yourself, write logs and take photographs, framing your field of vision at the initiation of a panic attack. This insurgency relies on trauma effecting the hippocampus, an area of the brain that plays a vital role in forming and retrieving memories; anxiety instilled silence and cognitive impairment inflicted by tactics will be utilised to suppress you. Finding common ground is imperritive, do not isolate yourself, know you're not alone; read BITE Model of Authoritarian Control. Other suggested reading includes Running on Emptiness, the pathology of civilisation by John Zerzan, Political Ponerology by Andrew M Lobaczewsji; reading deeper I suggest Critique of Judgement by Emanuel Kant. A shout to the open source software I used to build this website, applications used for hosting are: Debian Linux, Apache2, PHP, UFW, Fail2Ban, NANO and Fasthosts for their VPS. Desktop applications: Debian Linux, Piviti, Gnome Builder, GIMP, Firefox and Audacity. Also recognition to everybody who recognised and validated my efforts to build this website.