March 2024

10th

Today, on Mother's Day, Charlie took me to Bonchester Bridge for a pub meal at the Horse & Hound Country Inn. He ordered soup starters then roast beef, whilst I chose Camembert salad starters then salmon and mash for mains. The food was OK although overpriced, our favourite eating pub within the Scottish Borders remains located in Newcastleton.

We left Bonchester Bridge, returning to Roberton via a scenic route; Charlie stopped the truck so that I could take photographs. Whilst I was taking photographs of pigs a 4x4 overtook then pulled over one hundred yards ahead, a male Ned exited then attempted to get a horse to bolt by waving his arms in the air, before returning to his car, thought his actions weird.

We've almost finished lambing, and I am glad the season is coming to an end; after ironically witnessing a mother ewe rejecting all her triplets this afternoon. The sheep have gone crazy over the last two days, I'm seriously contemplating turning off the Wi-Fi. Charlie has been inside the polytunnel for the last three hours; we now have two cade lambs indoors. I am celebrating Mother's Day with a recipe my mother cooked for me, it's a Geordie meat and potato casserole named Panackelty; both my mother and aunt used corned beef and pork sausages. This is a hardy meal against strong winds from the North Sea, I miss her greatly, and was not told of her funeral, never witnessed her dead body; I've been 100% shunned. My father's funeral was also kept secret, I never witnessed his dead body; I don't know any of my paternal linage, and only two members out of ten from my maternal lineage. I haven't spoken to my sibling brother for almost ten years, I don't know his daughter, my niece; neither have I been able to speak to her, ever. I have not wronged any member of my family.

9th

Because of an asshole DPD driver in our area, our parcels have disrupted dispatch from the area logistics centre in Carlisle. I reported the van driver for driving recklessly, beeping his horn and raving like a maniac at sheep that quietly graze by the roadside along our hamlet. I rang the van in to DPD to complain, but was put through to an Asian call centre who had great difficulty understanding me. If the enraged nut threatens the safety of our hamlet again, I'll dial 999 and let the police deal with him; families live and young children play here.

Two lambs born yesterday have contracted wet mouth and are very poorly, they are indoors inside a cardboard box under a heat lamp. Charlie has administered injections and bottle-fed them, all we can do now is hope they pull through. Charlie blames himself for not suckling them in the midst of tiredness, within his lunch break from work; but has dedicated much time to making them well again. Burned my hand cleaning out the fireplace, the gauze plate was still very hot, stuck to my fingers as I attempted to clean dusty ashes whilst lifting it.

Accidents are common place, a regular occurrence amongst PTSD sufferers; trouble is the word complex attached to those four letters, consequential of life being utterly horrific. Overloaded with trauma, unceassing horror movie flashbacks, reccurrently triggered by generalised anxieties, as conciousness attempts to rationalised with every spiteful incursion inflicted upon me, enabling them to flesh me hapless from life as if I should have never mattered at all.

8th

Lamb that contracted wet mouth survived the night and this morning is suckling her mother ewe; Charlie entered the poly tunnel and also found triplets, these are the third triplets to be born in three days. This is bothering Charlie as lambs only have two teats to feed from, thus rises a higher probability of cades. Powdered milk is seventy pounds a bag, each cade lamb will consume this amount of powered milk. The cade lamb in the farmhouse is consuming three to four bottles a day, stronger, she can to be returned to the flock today.

When taken into account other costs such as ewe nuts, lick buckets, medicine and vets bills, fly strike spray etc, Charlie's hobby is not profitable. I have a noisy head this morning, although weeks of prolonged toothache now finally seems to have dissipated; I am ajar on how the dentist didn't prescribe antibiotics, the periodontitis infection in my mouth was rancid and very, very miserable. We are halfway through lambing, already, extreme tiredness is starting to show. Cade lamb is sneezing, so they'll be no playtime on the paddock.

This morning I attempted to build a lamb creep, a shelter on the paddock for the young lambs, but I am not able to bang in fence posts as I used to do; so I've left the job as a marker for Charlie to finish. So far we've managed to thwart mortality among the lambs, the birth rate is now almost two lambs to one ewe; so I guess we're successful at lambing this year. As haylage nibbles for the lambs become more frequent, they are readying to be weaned off milk and onto lamb pellets, as their bad mother ewes will be going to cast in a few weeks.

7th

Unhappy with waking up to Charlie denying snoring in my ear; so tired, yet he moans to me, he's tired constantly. This morning I've returned to Hawick, as there is a plumber coming to fix the blocked drains. I am suspecting these drains to be blocked with soiled nappies from the degenerate adult baby resident in the flat below. Filth water rises from the plug hole and soils plates, cups and cutlery etc, that sometimes makes me sick. Adult babies flat is hum dinging, does she not get bored living as a wee baby week after week, for years; what a cretin.

Listening to Beethoven's 7th today, along with Wagner they are my favourite composers. This is a ewe about to lamb, notice the water bag?

Cade Lamb being bunted by her mother; once the ewe dislikes her lamb there is no going back for them.

One of the IPcams in the polytunnel is moving on its own, there are only three users, one has no permission to move the IPcam, the other two user are me and Charlie, last night we both watched the Ipcam move on its own. These are cheap IPcams we purchased in 2022 to prove IPcams were useful, since they proved that, we shall be upgrading the camera system soon anyhow. Charlie purchased grasskeep (one field) today, we are having a reduction this year, so many sheep is too much for Charlie so it's time to scale down the flock.

6th

This morning I released the cade lamb onto the paddock, initially she looked estranged then when she found her footing began leaping; I believe this is what we call playtime. The weather is pleasant and mild, but if rain comes I'll bring her inside, she has to return to the farmhouse for bottle feeding anyhow. She hasn't been introduced to other cades yet. Whilst walking about the paddock, I took some pictures of with my bridge camera.

Cade lamb befriended a tup lamb.

A mother ewe and her lamb enjoying the sunshine upon the farmhouse paddock.

This lamb was birthed from a Charollais tup and a Herdwick ewe.

Herdwick ewe is in lamb, although she has no bag yet, her lamb/s will be half Herdwick, half Teeswater.

After such an interesting life, with meaningful correspondence fleeced as if I pre-existed, it's hard to release from longevity of despondent bordem with mundane hobbies.

Sam the sheep dog, I let him out of his kennel to stretch his legs, trusted he enters the polytunnel, invades a mother ewe lambing triples, and begins licking her lambs; how insane is this?

Teeswater Mother ewe lambs triplets.

Charlie making sure the triplets get their colostrum, they can't walk yet, very small.

5th

Little cade lamb has lost her bleet, its difficult for herd animals to be on their own but she would have died without intervention, were expecting more cades to join her through fate.

Get her strong, couple of days she can rejoin the herd.

First of the lambs with their mother ewes enter and enjoy the open space of the farmhouse paddock.

Mother ewe and her wee lamb, seem to be proud and glad to be outside.

I wondered why they remained on the verge and not ventured upon the flat open space where the sunlight was.

Peacock, Denholm.

Scottish Blackface, Chapel Hill.

Three mother ewes with single lambs, Woodburn Farmhouse Paddock.

I don't like lambs inside the farmhouse, livestock should have as little intervention as possible. Sometimes I wonder if kindness is killing them, tough love is hardy and fortifying. Teeswater sheep are a rare and failing breed, this is not a commercial enterprise; no profit is made from them being here at the farmhouse, Charlie with his breeding programme is saving them by reinvigorating their genetics.

4th

Charlie bottle-fed the lambs today, giving me a break, they'll be next fed midday. The full cade lamb is drinking half a bottle per sitting, recognises our approach, walks and arrives to the bottle standing. Over two days, auditory hallucinations have quelled. But I don't notice the auditory hallucinations are not there until they return, so maybe I am dissociating from never ending negative commentary. Throughout the decade, I've learned much about mental health to know the sickness is inflicted by religious contempt for spirituality present in humanity.

Stressed I took a walk down the glen to Borthwick water. Sam the sheep dog was good company and behaved himself; I cooked Charlie omelette and chips for his dinner before he went to play carpet bowls. The cade has been bought inside underneath our heat lamp; she's been bunted so much by the other ewes, her ear is very badly swollen and she is shaking all the time with cold. She is the loudest lamb I've known.

3rd

Another two lambs born this morning, Charlie is happy, but I am able to see that twins are three times the lambing trouble. Sam the sheepdog is going nuts barking his wee head off as the sheep bar and jeer not unlike politicians, in anticipation of a serving of chaff; we're running out of chaff, in several days they'll be fed ewe nuts.

To free space in a now crowded polytunnel, Charlie has moved ewes and their lambs to an open shed near to our stud y room; I'll probably have no peace whilst working on this here website until they are out grazing upon fresh salad in the farmhouse paddock. At least the light has returned, the grass will be growing, along with the horrid dock leaf weeds.

We have removed the white lamb from its black mother. The little lamb is sick with watery mouth, having not received enough colostrum because her mother bunted her away; she managed to sneak past the black lamb to suckle, but evidently this was not enough. We've placed her with two other friendly mother ewes, Charlie administered a shot of antibiotic, she's drank a quarter of a bottle of powered milk this morning, considering this substantial intervention she'll pull through as another full cade, to keep cades company.

We've replaced a tow-bar with another tow-bar, enabling the 4x4 to tow a plant trailer; Charlie spent over an hour deliberating the wiring. This problem has to be fixed as the electrics on the 4x4 are short-circuiting other lights; leaking window seals are a contributing factor.

Whilst we were away fetching logs, coal, haylage and straw, this mother ewe had twin lambs successfully on her own. This afternoon Charlie placed a new bale of haylage in the flocks ring feeder,they also a new harbo rumi block. The new cade lamb has responded well to her injection, she appears less vacant and her appetite has increased, although she is still shaking.

Woodburn Farm.

I enjoy walking to the top of the farmhouse paddock, but returning I become aware of just how noisy the farmhouse is during this time. Something was trespassing upon the farmhouse tonight; lurking around the lambs, have to keep vigilant, and catch whoever, whatever it is snooping around.