January 2024

17th

To loose weight a walk over the paddock and along the hillside toward a pine tree copse, I though the entire area was fenched off for pheasants, but this is only partially so.

Took out my Olympus Sp-810uz camera, as my IPhone 14 was out of battery power; the picture above appears to have focused on the grass rather than the Cheviot sheep.

The above shot appears better, more focus on the sheep than the grass below; the day was crisp cold and clear bright sky, todays pictures were taken around two oclock in the afternoon.

There are many work men about at work throughout the valley, fixing telephone cables.

Neighbour said he recorded -10c outside his house during the early hours of this morning.

First successful panaramic picture I have taken with this camera, viewed is the Borthwick valley, inbetween Roberton and Craik. Wooded area to the left is Woodburn, right is Borthwick Brae.

Strange how hypervigilance magnifies the slightest noise into a shuddering bang, and renders every presence nearby a threat. I can't help wondering what this telecom guy was doing.

Look who got caught up inside the ring feeder, twice in three days; this is not good for this Herdwick, considering she's in lamb.

16th

Fetched a beautiful oak castle spinning wheel from Northumbria today; alas, I can make yarn from last year's teeswater fleeces. The wheel came with a matching niddy noddy and chair.

It's taking a while to learn how to do this manufacturing process, but I determined to have made Charlie a jumper, and maybe a cardigan for me, created from the fleece of his sheep.

15th

Today I am working on this website, have a warm open log fire behind, a countryside view to the right and so much to do here. In the evening we played carpet bowls at our village hall, the reception was initially frosty, perhaps despondent.

The sheep in polytunnel are looking huge, I overheard talk about lambing, some in March, another as late as April; our lambs are arriving in February, this must be early, although I know of another shepherd who is expecting to lamb in January.

14th

Charlie fixed the disk brake pads on the 4x4. The brakes had been bodged fitted.

The 4x4 needs additional replacement disks.

Charlie took me for a drive, after testing the new brake pads we visited two lochs near the farmhouse.

Tore my dress as I climbed over a gate, then we walked down through woodland to another loch.

I'm in need of some new walking boots, not quite so urgent as this would have been a few years back.

13th

Temporary fixed a break in the farmhouse stone walling; Charlie said the wall has to be taken down to fix the collapse properly.

In Russia, homeless people are named snowdrops, because they are often uncovered dead during the thawing of the snow.

Snow drops in the garden are appearing, lambs will be born soon, we predict a month today from the flock within the polytunnel.

I took some bird and sheep pictures with my Olympus Sp-810uz, making the most of the cameras 36x wide zoom.

Not very happy with the quality of this camera but maybe I am expecting to much detail from 14 megapixels.

11th

Charlie is sleeping for ten hours every night, I'm not sure how healthy this is; I've never had more than eight hours "natural sleep" in my entire life. I usually can manage six hours at best, then anxiety demands I rise and preoccupy myself with a to-do.

The front wheel diskpads on the 4x4 are gone, Charlie said he'll order some from ebay. He drove me to Hawick viewpoint, where I sat on a bench and took some overhead views of Hawick centre. Weather was overcast wet with a North-Western breeze blowing drizzle.

9th

Shake and stirred Charlie out of bed to load up the 4x4 trailer with a tup and ewe, we are taking them to market today at Longtown, Cumbria. The tup jumped over a 4ft ring feeder filled with hay, then rolled over, landing on his side upon the polytunnel floor with a thud. Charlie had to re-enter the polytunnel and repeat the previous process of getting him out.

This cade ewe lamb, I think she is a 1/4 Zwartble, Teeswater, she always asks for another mineral bucket.

One of the cade ewe lambs entered the trailer admist the confusion, her sister looked bothered, then turned towards the hay, began eating and forgot all about her.

We arrived at the market late, nearing 10pm, most of the unloading appeared to have been completed.

The market cafe was crammed with customers, until the auction bell rang, then the cafe quickly emptied. Unearthing it is, when strangers glare as if you are known to them [there is no apparent reason for me to be known here], but you've never spoken to them before. I don't know whether I preffer the cafe full or empty; at least the breakfast is always plentyful.

Had a wonder around the pens, filmed some Herdwick sheep.

Always feels a relief to return to the 4x4, the 40 mile journey to Hawick doesn't seem so far returning.

Our 4x4, a freelander mk1, was the smallest veichle there, but not the smallest we have seen, Charlie used to off load sheep, towed by a red Citroen picasso!

The 40-mile journey along the A7 passes through Langholm, we often stop at Eweswater for a break, there are toilets and camper vans often bed down there overnight. The market was busy, the first sale of the year; Charlie off loaded the ewe and tup before we enjoyed breakfast at the market cafe. The tup and ewe made £110 and £95 at auction, a fair price.

Shrub in the farmhouse garden has bloomed, warming to see bloom during these colder midwinter months.

Healthy ewes, most in lamb, all eating together is how this flock should behave, sick animals don't eat, and distance themselves from the herd.

8th

Today I'm adding additional information to my exposure pages. I'm typing in the study by an open log fire, as the farmhouse is chilling cold due to absense of heating oil. This isn't that bad when awake and active throughout the day but in the evening, sleepy and in need of relaxing, the chill present in the air lingers painfully on the bones.

The jackdaw's from the old barn (now not part of this farmhouse) have learned from the Great Tits that there is bird food contained with the hanging coconut husk. These are very agressive and greedy birds, and have probably pushed the Great tits out, but they are birds so I'll let them feed. I have not seen the partridge family, but Charlie seen them a few days ago, down to four in number now.

6th

After a drive from my flat, arriving at the farmhouse Charlie hooked the trailer onto the back of the 4x4, then drove me to Denholm, loading a bail of straw for our sheep inside the polytunnel. There are so many coos at this farm in Denholm, seeming contented and restful undisturbed, they are very well looked after. Throughout forty-eight years of my life, I rarely if ever, experienced farming.

Returning to the farmhouse I took of picture of a view I have taken numerous occasions before; rippling light reflected from the curve of the Borthwick water is bonnie to the sight, underneath clearer skies.

I feel blessed to have healed here at the farm, a restful and nurturing place, enabled by Charlie's tolerance to host this disturbed and troubled mind that from erratic occurrences of emotional dysregulation, I wrestle to calm day to day, knowing that darkness of those demanding exclusion to posess from inclusion, as "sharing" these sancities, as if displaced validity, rewarded placement relevence.

Tonight I played bingo with the people of Borthwick valley, sat beside a neighbour and the wardens of the hall; I came close to winning with just one number (15) to be called, but Charlie had terrible luck, aghast and struggling to comprehend seven numbers still not yet marked on his bingo card. We enjoyed light refreshment, a bottle of white wine, and salted crisps, bought by ourselves.

There were problems understanding the called numbers, despite attached phrases such as "number nine doctors orders" and "legs eleven". To counter, the bingo caller met halfway between English and Scottish players by attempting to call with an Irish accent, but became a meddly of accents, furthering confusion. He then called numbers using hand gestures, but the endeavour took too long.

5th

In the afternoon, I baked a chocolate cake, then in the evening, after Charlie purchased more chocolate, I made butter icing to top the cake. Smaller cake tins are required to make two layers; so that the butter cream to be sandwiched rather than spread on top of the cake.

It mystifies me that a really simple process such as is a work at hand, rather than being able to simply think out the process.

3rd

This morning I have begun taking antibiotics I was prescribed some time ago for Lyme disease; whilst I return to the doctors to get a revaluation on the original diagnosis made by a nurse in Totnes. The nurse I saw this morning thought me insane; and did not take what I had to say seriously. But I have a referral to osteopathy, for an injury I sustained whilst carrying a heavy backpack for years, containing dust to dusk things that I'd put together as my home every evening.

It's not that I don't want or refuse to let people within my pictures, it is that there is an absence of people in my life; my world has been emptied of people.

Finding the Trinity bar closed at 11:00am, I walked past the recycling centre and along the River Teviot; Charlie came in his lunch hour and placed me outside at the Trinity bar, I enjoyed two pints [the second pint tasted as though somebody had shined the glass with vickes vapour rub] before phoning a taxi to return me to my flat.

2nd

Today we decided we both like to go to the seaside, I wanted to remain within the Scottish Borders so chose Eyemouth. From Hawick, we drove Denholm, Kelso, Coldstream and Duns, arriving into Eyemouth at 1:40pm.

We parked outside Eyemouth leisure centre and walked onto the beach unto the sea breeze; I needed to be at this location today.

The return to Hawick felt as though we were being chased down, crazy drivers dangerously overtook us around blind corners, along usually quiet roads. I believe they are trying to trigger ill-fate, because I won't commit suicide.