January 2024

17th

To loose weight a walk over the paddock and along the hillside toward a pine tree copse, I though the entire area was fenched off for pheasants, but this is only partially so.

Waxing crescent moon, about a third full, is the central focus. It's positioned slightly off-centre, towards the left, and hangs serenely in the sky. Its surface shows subtle textural variations, hinting at craters and shadows, although the details are not sharply defined. It is not moving in the frame. The sky dominates the image, a deep, clear, and uniform blue that stretches from edge to edge, suggesting a cloudless day or night. The colour is a consistent, saturated blue, without gradations of lightness or darkness. The light is even, without harsh highlights or shadows.
Two sheep, positioned side-by-side on a grassy knoll against a clear blue sky. The left sheep is predominantly in the foreground, occupying more of the lower half of the frame. It's a fluffy, off-white, almost cream-coloured sheep with a thick, dense fleece. Its expression is alert and calm, its gaze directed straight ahead at the viewer. The sheep is slightly angled to its right, creating a dynamic pose. The right sheep is positioned slightly behind and to the right of the left sheep. It’s also off-white, with a similarly dense fleece, but slightly less visible due to the positioning and the shading. Its posture is relaxed, almost leaning against the left sheep. Its gaze is similarly directed toward the viewer but perhaps slightly less focused. Both sheep are relatively still. Yellow ear tags are visible on both sheep.

Took out my Olympus Sp-810uz camera, as my IPhone 14 was out of battery power; the picture above appears to have focused on the grass rather than the Cheviot sheep.

Sheep is situated on a gently sloping hill covered with short, dry-looking grass of a muted brown and tan colour. Hints of green suggest some lingering life among the dead grasses. The background is an intensely clear, cloudless azure sky, a vibrant blue that provides a stark contrast to the sheep's pale fleece and the muted earth tones of the hill. The lighting suggests it's daytime, with bright, natural sunlight illuminating the sheep and casting a subtle shadow behind it on its own fleece. The light enhances the texture of the sheep's wool, making the individual strands appear almost luminous.

The above shot appears better, more focus on the sheep than the grass below; the day was crisp cold and clear bright sky, todays pictures were taken around two oclock in the afternoon.

White panel van, slightly angled to the left, sits parked on the edge of a dark asphalt road. Its side is clearly visible, displaying diagonal orange and yellow reflective stripes on the back panel. The van appears to be a standard commercial vehicle, neither overly new nor particularly old. A person, small in scale due to distance, stands near a wooden utility pole on the right side of the road. They are wearing an orange-red vest or jacket, suggesting a worker's uniform. Their posture suggests they are working on or inspecting something near the pole. The scene is set in a rural environment, characterised by rolling, grassy hills that form the dominant background. The grass is predominantly a dry, brownish-green, suggesting it might be late autumn or early spring. Patches of lighter, almost straw-coloured dried grass are visible, particularly along the road's edge. A wire fence runs alongside the road.

There are many work men about at work throughout the valley, fixing telephone cables.

Chimney assembly atop a moss-covered stone structure. Three terracotta chimney pots, varying slightly in shade and exhibiting a subtle texture of age and weathering (moss and small discolourations), are arranged closely together. The pots are cylindrical, slightly tapered, and of a muted reddish-brown hue. A modern, metallic, stainless steel-appearing flue system is positioned centrally above the pots. This flue has a slightly angled, double-pipe design, suggesting efficient venting. Smoke, a pale greyish-white, softly rises from the top of the flue, hinting at a gentle fire within. A small, dark-coloured weather vane, with simple arrow-like arms, is attached to the chimney base, slightly off-centre to the left.

Neighbour said he recorded -10c outside his house during the early hours of this morning.

Panoramic landscape view devoid of human figures. The main objects are undulating hills and fields, predominantly grassy with patches of brown and hints of frost. A strip of dark-green woodland runs horizontally across the middle ground. There are a few small structures, perhaps farmhouses, barely discernible in the middle distance. The foreground is composed of a steep, gravelly hill, showing signs of frost or light snow. On the far right, a cluster of evergreen trees stands prominently. The scene is rural, likely in a temperate climate. The background consists of rolling hills extending to the horizon. Some distant hills show hints of a pale, light dusting of snow. The lighting indicates a bright, sunny day, with deep shadows cast by the sun angled at a relatively low position.

First successful panaramic picture I have taken with this camera, viewed is the Borthwick valley, inbetween Roberton and Craik. Wooded area to the left is Woodburn, right is Borthwick Brae.

Man, clad in a bright orange high-visibility work jacket over a darker, possibly navy, base layer. His head is covered by a grey knitted beanie. He's positioned slightly off-center, towards the left, working with what appears to be a length of dark fibre optic cable. His hands are gloved, and he's carefully manipulating the cable. His expression is partially obscured by his beanie and the angle but suggests concentration. The cable is a dark, almost black, and coils slightly as it extends from his hands, suggesting flexibility. It's connected to some small grey or white equipment mounted on a wooden post. This equipment looks technical, possibly a splice case or similar telecoms device. A wooden post-and-rail fence runs diagonally across the mid-ground and foreground, partially obscuring the lower part of the man’s body.

Strange how hypervigilance magnifies the slightest noise into a shuddering bang, and renders every presence nearby a threat. I can't help wondering what this telecom guy was doing.

Small, light-coloured sheep with a black face, positioned slightly off-centre, looking directly at the viewer from within the feeder. Its fur appears soft and woolly. Surrounding it are numerous other sheep, mostly in shades of brown, tan, and off-white. Their wool is similarly thick and textured. Some sheep are positioned in the immediate vicinity of the feeder, appearing to eat, while others are loosely clustered in the background. Their poses are relaxed, suggesting a natural and undisturbed setting. The feeder is a dark, metallic, circular structure with vertical bars, partially obscuring some of the sheep.

Look who got caught up inside the ring feeder, twice in three days; this is not good for this Herdwick, considering she's in lamb.

16th

Fetched a beautiful oak castle spinning wheel from Northumbria today; alas, I can make yarn from last year's teeswater fleeces. The wheel came with a matching niddy noddy and chair.

Dark brown, antique spinning wheel positioned slightly off-centre to the left. Its wooden frame is intricately detailed, with small, turned spindles and a large, dark wood wheel. The wheel appears to be in a resting state, not in active use. To the right and slightly behind the spinning wheel sits a simple, rustic wooden chair. This chair, also dark brown, features a square seat and straight, slightly tapered legs, possessing a similar aesthetic to the spinning wheel, suggesting a harmonious, possibly historical setting. A dark brown wooden bed with a black mesh mattress occupies the background. A small wooden side table is partially visible near the left side of the image. The furniture is all dark, heavily shaded.

It's taking a while to learn how to do this manufacturing process, but I determined to have made Charlie a jumper, and maybe a cardigan for me, created from the fleece of his sheep.

15th

Today I am working on this website, have a warm open log fire behind, a countryside view to the right and so much to do here. In the evening we played carpet bowls at our village hall, the reception was initially frosty, perhaps despondent.

Group of men engaged in what appears to be a bowls game or similar indoor sport within a large hall. Two individuals are actively playing on a green matted bowling surface. One, wearing a dark jacket and possibly a yellow undershirt, appears to be throwing or preparing to throw a ball; the other, further down the lane, seems to be observing the trajectory. A row of men, mostly dressed in casual attire like jackets and sweaters in muted earth tones, sits on wooden chairs facing the playing area. Some appear engaged, watching the game intently, while others may be more casually observing. Their posture varies from attentive to slightly slumped, conveying different levels of engagement. The game takes place inside a high-ceilinged hall with exposed dark wooden beams forming a striking architectural feature. The ceiling appears high, light, and slightly arched, creating a sense of spaciousness.

The sheep in polytunnel are looking huge, I overheard talk about lambing, some in March, another as late as April; our lambs are arriving in February, this must be early, although I know of another shepherd who is expecting to lamb in January.

14th

Charlie fixed the disk brake pads on the 4x4. The brakes had been bodged fitted.

Two worn-out brake pads resting on a wooden surface. One brake pad (the upper one) is relatively intact, exhibiting a rectangular shape with slightly rounded edges. Its surface is dark charcoal grey-black, showing a matte texture with subtle, uneven wear. The other brake pad (lower) is significantly damaged and fragmented. It's cracked and broken along one side, revealing a ragged, irregular edge. Its surface shares the same dark grey-black hue as the other pad, but displays heavier wear, showing a dusting of light grey-white residue likely from brake dust, and exhibiting more pronounced, almost flaky textures around the broken areas. Both pads appear to be made of a dense, compressed material. They lay at a slight angle on the wood, with the damaged pad slightly overlapping the less damaged one. There's no indication of any human presence.

The 4x4 needs additional replacement disks.

Close-up view of a lifted wheel of a dark gray Land Rover Freelander, model indicated by the SE badge subtly visible on the vehicle's fender. The wheel is completely detached, showcasing the brake rotor and caliper assembly. The tire is absent. The vehicle's suspension components are clearly visible, coated in a layer of mud and dirt, suggesting recent off-road use or exposure to harsh weather. The wheel well is also heavily soiled, matching the overall dirty state of the visible parts of the vehicle. The ground beneath the car is a mixture of gravel, small stones, and patches of mud, suggesting an outdoor, possibly unpaved, setting.

Charlie took me for a drive, after testing the new brake pads we visited two lochs near the farmhouse.

Placid, rippling lake that dominates the central portion of the panoramic view. The water is a dark, cool grey-blue, reflecting the subtle light of the sky. The lake's edge is lined with patches of dry, tan and brown grasses and reeds, some touched with a light dusting of frost, suggesting a cold, possibly early morning or late autumnal setting. The far side of the lake shows a gentle, rolling hillside with sparse vegetation, mostly muted browns and greens. A dark coniferous forest sits on the left side of the image near the foreground, forming a clear boundary with the grassland. There's a low, man-made stone wall visible on the right bank of the lake in the mid-ground. No people or animals are present.

Tore my dress as I climbed over a gate, then we walked down through woodland to another loch.

Still, dark body of water, likely a loch or small lake. Tall, slender reeds or grasses emerge from the water's edge, extending towards the viewer in a dense, almost wall-like formation that dominates the foreground. The reeds are predominantly dark brown and appear dry or dormant, their silhouettes sharply defined against the water's surface. The water itself is dark, reflecting the cloudy sky, with subtle ripples and glimmers of light breaking the surface. Beyond the water, a low-lying hillside rises, its muted browns and greens suggesting a sparsely vegetated landscape. A dark line of trees forms a horizontal band across the middle ground, marking the edge of the land against the water. No people or animals are visible.

I'm in need of some new walking boots, not quite so urgent as this would have been a few years back.

13th

Temporary fixed a break in the farmhouse stone walling; Charlie said the wall has to be taken down to fix the collapse properly.

In Russia, homeless people are named snowdrops, because they are often uncovered dead during the thawing of the snow.

Snow drops in the garden are appearing, lambs will be born soon, we predict a month today from the flock within the polytunnel.

I took some bird and sheep pictures with my Olympus Sp-810uz, making the most of the cameras 36x wide zoom.

Not very happy with the quality of this camera but maybe I am expecting to much detail from 14 megapixels.

11th

Charlie is sleeping for ten hours every night, I'm not sure how healthy this is; I've never had more than eight hours "natural sleep" in my entire life. I usually can manage six hours at best, then anxiety demands I rise and preoccupy myself with a to-do.

The front wheel diskpads on the 4x4 are gone, Charlie said he'll order some from ebay. He drove me to Hawick viewpoint, where I sat on a bench and took some overhead views of Hawick centre. Weather was overcast wet with a North-Western breeze blowing drizzle.

9th

Shake and stirred Charlie out of bed to load up the 4x4 trailer with a tup and ewe, we are taking them to market today at Longtown, Cumbria. The tup jumped over a 4ft ring feeder filled with hay, then rolled over, landing on his side upon the polytunnel floor with a thud. Charlie had to re-enter the polytunnel and repeat the previous process of getting him out.

This cade ewe lamb, I think she is a 1/4 Zwartble, Teeswater, she always asks for another mineral bucket.

One of the cade ewe lambs entered the trailer admist the confusion, her sister looked bothered, then turned towards the hay, began eating and forgot all about her.

We arrived at the market late, nearing 10pm, most of the unloading appeared to have been completed.

The market cafe was crammed with customers, until the auction bell rang, then the cafe quickly emptied. Unearthing it is, when strangers glare as if you are known to them [there is no apparent reason for me to be known here], but you've never spoken to them before. I don't know whether I preffer the cafe full or empty; at least the breakfast is always plentyful.

Had a wonder around the pens, filmed some Herdwick sheep.

Always feels a relief to return to the 4x4, the 40 mile journey to Hawick doesn't seem so far returning.

Our 4x4, a freelander mk1, was the smallest veichle there, but not the smallest we have seen, Charlie used to off load sheep, towed by a red Citroen picasso!

The 40-mile journey along the A7 passes through Langholm, we often stop at Eweswater for a break, there are toilets and camper vans often bed down there overnight. The market was busy, the first sale of the year; Charlie off loaded the ewe and tup before we enjoyed breakfast at the market cafe. The tup and ewe made £110 and £95 at auction, a fair price.

Shrub in the farmhouse garden has bloomed, warming to see bloom during these colder midwinter months.

Healthy ewes, most in lamb, all eating together is how this flock should behave, sick animals don't eat, and distance themselves from the herd.

8th

Today I'm adding additional information to my exposure pages. I'm typing in the study by an open log fire, as the farmhouse is chilling cold due to absense of heating oil. This isn't that bad when awake and active throughout the day but in the evening, sleepy and in need of relaxing, the chill present in the air lingers painfully on the bones.

The jackdaw's from the old barn (now not part of this farmhouse) have learned from the Great Tits that there is bird food contained with the hanging coconut husk. These are very agressive and greedy birds, and have probably pushed the Great tits out, but they are birds so I'll let them feed. I have not seen the partridge family, but Charlie seen them a few days ago, down to four in number now.

7th

Filming the ewes munching hay from their ring feeder. Our cade ewe lamb joins in at 31 seconds.

Charlie calmed my erratic mind by taking me for a drive through the beautiful Craik forest.

Lingering in thoughtful concern about the negative effect my ailing mental health has on him.

6th

After a drive from my flat, arriving at the farmhouse Charlie hooked the trailer onto the back of the 4x4, then drove me to Denholm, loading a bail of straw for our sheep inside the polytunnel. There are so many coos at this farm in Denholm, seeming contented and restful undisturbed, they are very well looked after. Throughout forty-eight years of my life, I rarely if ever, experienced farming.

Returning to the farmhouse I took of picture of a view I have taken numerous occasions before; rippling light reflected from the curve of the Borthwick water is bonnie to the sight, underneath clearer skies.

I feel blessed to have healed here at the farm, a restful and nurturing place, enabled by Charlie's tolerance to host this disturbed and troubled mind that from erratic occurrences of emotional dysregulation, I wrestle to calm day to day, knowing that darkness of those demanding exclusion to posess from inclusion, as "sharing" these sancities, as if displaced validity, rewarded placement relevence.

Tonight I played bingo with the people of Borthwick valley, sat beside a neighbour and the wardens of the hall; I came close to winning with just one number (15) to be called, but Charlie had terrible luck, aghast and struggling to comprehend seven numbers still not yet marked on his bingo card. We enjoyed light refreshment, a bottle of white wine, and salted crisps, bought by ourselves.

There were problems understanding the called numbers, despite attached phrases such as "number nine doctors orders" and "legs eleven". To counter, the bingo caller met halfway between English and Scottish players by attempting to call with an Irish accent, but became a meddly of accents, furthering confusion. He then called numbers using hand gestures, but the endeavour took too long.

5th

In the afternoon, I baked a chocolate cake, then in the evening, after Charlie purchased more chocolate, I made butter icing to top the cake. Smaller cake tins are required to make two layers; so that the butter cream to be sandwiched rather than spread on top of the cake.

It mystifies me that a really simple process such as is a work at hand, rather than being able to simply think out the process.

4th

I woke first at 7:30am, the first night I have slept through from 11pm that I can remember; the riverside walk along the Teviot yesterday must have done me some good. Today I am baking a lemon, chocolate cake, Charlie came from the supermarket with the ingredients last night; then fell asleep on my awkward, body contorting settee. The settee is covered in black vinyl, reminds me of the material of execution beds in American prisons.

The ewe lambs have figured how to get in and out of the bars of the ring feeder; our Charolais / Herdwick lamb was the first to figure this out, but she is much smaller than those crossing through the bars of the ring feeder now. This evening I overslept for four hours; supposed to be baking lemon cake this evening, uncanny that Charlie's mother is today baking lemon cake, although I expect the ingredients are different. Midday I relaxed by wood burn; this area, now a hamlet, is listed on very old maps.

3rd

This morning I have begun taking antibiotics I was prescribed some time ago for Lyme disease; whilst I return to the doctors to get a revaluation on the original diagnosis made by a nurse in Totnes. The nurse I saw this morning thought me insane; and did not take what I had to say seriously. But I have a referral to osteopathy, for an injury I sustained whilst carrying a heavy backpack for years, containing dust to dusk things that I'd put together as my home every evening.

It's not that I don't want or refuse to let people within my pictures, it is that there is an absence of people in my life; my world has been emptied of people.

Finding the Trinity bar closed at 11:00am, I walked past the recycling centre and along the River Teviot; Charlie came in his lunch hour and placed me outside at the Trinity bar, I enjoyed two pints [the second pint tasted as though somebody had shined the glass with vickes vapour rub] before phoning a taxi to return me to my flat.

2nd

Today we decided we both like to go to the seaside, I wanted to remain within the Scottish Borders so chose Eyemouth. From Hawick, we drove Denholm, Kelso, Coldstream and Duns, arriving into Eyemouth at 1:40pm.

We parked outside Eyemouth leisure centre and walked onto the beach unto the sea breeze; I needed to be at this location today.

The return to Hawick felt as though we were being chased down, crazy drivers dangerously overtook us around blind corners, along usually quiet roads. I believe they are trying to trigger ill-fate, because I won't commit suicide.