June 2023

29th

Having a £180 council tax bill arrive at my door this morning made me angry, but I'll pay it all off tomorrow. Today, the flock at the grass keep was in a state of disarray; only five lambs and one ewe were retained. As I prepared the pump action squirt gun, the fly spray leaked all over my right arm, while Charlie was worming them. I sprayed a blue line down the back of each sheep, a dot on each one's head, and then a spray between their legs. I find it strange that sheep don't want this help against fly strikes; they'll be much healthier after the process we tried to put them through today, but I guess you can't reason with animals.⁣

28th

When I first came to this town, I liked it, but Galashiels made me feel bad. I needed to go shopping, though. We first went to Halford's to buy a tiny bottle of pink OAT coolant for our 4x4. A woman wearing leopard skin clothing made Charlie laugh. "Bet Linch," I thought, "a cheap trick bar tart, cheap and nasty appearance." After leaving Halford's, she got into a two-door Freelander 1 and drove off with a sly smile on her face. The rear window of the car was a quarter wound down, which is a common but easily fixed calibration issue with this specific model. On our visit next door, we found Sports Direct to be very hard to understand because there were so many items in so many places. We finally found a pair of walking shoes. I haven't worn a pair of shoe's in three months because I prefer to walk around in crocs. But who am I to talk about fashion if my feet are hurting? The leopard print is just so... well, how would I describe it? "Unforgivable."

Charlie transported me to the Hanning to alleviate my mental overload.

On the way back to Borthwick Water, we went to Hanning, Selkirk, and discovered the small loch to be peaceful and pretty. Last October, when it was colder, I had been here before, but this time the manor house was surrounded by scaffolding and roped off. The owner of this estate, according to Charlie, kept many cats. He left the estate to the people of Selkirk after his death, and they came and helped themselves to the statues, leaving only a dozen now.

27th

I have a terrible headache, the sheep are avoiding the pouring rain, but the kitchen garden is bursting with colour. The hillside has been saturated, and the stark contrast between green and brown has intensified, highlighting the pale whiteness of the roses that extend from the northwest corner of the farmhouse. It appears that the fungicide I sprayed has eliminated rust from the rose bush. I'm happy that we discovered and removed the bright orange mould in time for the bush to bloom this summer; it really complements the farmhouse's aesthetic.

Our potatoes!

Dwarf beans!

In the afternoon, we visited both grass keeps and bought four bags of ewe nuts. One flock was obviously stressed by flies, so we'll be worming and straying them shortly. On the previous day, Charlie finished the perimeter fence by installing a gate. He utilized a piece of paper to position the wire and secured it with staples. The growth of dwarf beans is substantial, and I am confident that they will be both nutritious and delicious. I pushed Charlie to bring the sheep into the polytunnel in the evening because it had been pouring rain all day.ⁿ

26th

Today, Charlie put the gate on the kitchen garden, making the fence around the outside complete.

We have been anticipating the completion of this task for some time; had it not been completed today, I would have completed it myself.⁣

25th

I was awakened by Charlie, but it was too early to be drinking coffee at six in the morning on a Sunday. Yesterday, the paddock roadside walling was trimmed because it was out of the topper's reach. We attended the 100th anniversary of Fordham Hall in Roberton at 2 p.m., which is a short distance from our residence in the Borthwick valley. Always bug Charlie to come to these events because we live here, we exist, and existing with other people has meaning, so we go anyway to support the hall and show our faces. An elderly man, who, I assumed, was related to Mr. and Mrs. Forman, who constructed the hall in June 1923, spoke.

A member of the Anderson family delivered a presentation regarding an additional memorial that he claimed offered the most breathtaking view of Borthwick Water. However, I would have to respectfully disagree. To reassure myself, we visited the memorial, and found that our view of Borthwick water was the best. A friendly smile greeted us as we sat down. After a short time, we were offered a plate of cream cakes and our choice of tea or coffee. I didn't feel too intense; maybe I was too self-conscious because everyone else was wearing bright summer dresses, and I was dressed in black. The cherry tree that was planted in remembrance is absolutely stunning. We bought three strips of raffle tickets, but we didn't receive any prizes.

The hill road to Roberton: Ale Water at our feet,
And grey hills and blue hills that melt away and meet,
With cotton-flowers that wave to us and lone whaups that call,
And over all the Border mist – the soft mist over all.

When Scotland married England long, long ago,
The winds spun a wedding-veil of moonlight and snow,
A veil of filmy silver that sun and rain had kissed,
And she left it to the Border in a soft grey mist.

And now the dreary distance doth wear it like a bride,
Out beyond the Langhope Burn and over Essenside,
By Borthwick Wa’s and Redfordgreen and on to wild Buccleuch
And up the Ettrick Water, till it fades into the blue.

The winding road to Roberton is little marked of wheels,
And lonely past Blawearie runs the track to Borthwickshiels,
Whitslade is slumbering undisturbed and down in Harden Glen
The tall trees murmur in their dreams of Wat’s mosstrooping men.

A distant glint of silver, that is Ale’s last goodbye,
Then Greatmoor and Windburgh against a purple sky,
The long line of the Carter, Teviotdale flung wide,
And a slight stir in the heather – a wind from the English side.

The hill road to Roberton’s a steep road to climb,
But where your foot has crushed it you can smell the scented thyme,
And if your heart’s a Border heart, look down to Harden Glen,
And hear the blue hills ringing with the restless hoofs again.

As we left the hall, it started to rain hard, and many people were complaining about it on the short walk to their cars. Charlie was reinvigorated, which helped me break free from social apathy; knowing he enjoyed this event is to know he gained something that I had somehow missed. Regardless, I parted feeling apprehensive of optimism.

24th

In just under an hour, the garden was trimmed, and our muddy driveway is now a nice shade of green. Creative visualisation can be helpful, but only if you can keep other things from affecting your mind.

Charlie placed fence wire, posts, sledgehammer, staples and then seated me onto the topper, and drove the tractor up the steep incline of the farmhouse paddock. Looking back, I'm always struck by how fortunate I am to have lived in the tranquil Borthwick Valley. Given that there is solid bedrock in places that protrude to the surface, the steaks hammered into the ground fairly easily. While rolling a one-hundred-yard length along the hillside, the wire mesh was heavy and cumbersome

We had to assign numbered ear tags to the mischievous lambs before releasing them from their detention pen and into the recently fenced paddock. The piercing doesn't seem to hurt them, but the other lambs that were watching were apprehensive that this need wasn't reasonable. They are legally required to wear these ear identification tags, and it is illegal to remove them without the owner's consent. The numbers will be recorded in a Sheppards book and subsequently added to a movement book when they are transported to the market.

We ended a busy day with a drive through the Craik Forest. We almost made it to the outdoor centre before turning around and going back to Roberton.

22nd

Upset that a pretty Japanese vase got smashed from my window sill whilst attempting to squash a huge meat fly. My neighbours are deprivation beast enablers, I hate them and the flesh crawler they enable. In the afternoon I help Charlie feed the lambs at the Farmhouse, my how the farmhouse kitchen garden has grown since we created it just under a month ago!

I recommend gardening to traumatised people who can initiate interest, actioning functional process, observing plants grow from seed is rewarding and therapeutic; knowing our projections, existences are effectual and not subordinated to contempt of silence of this estranged world.

21st

I apologise for the delay in posting; I have been afflicted with a severe flu. I got out of my sweat pit this morning and went to the "Twelve Apostles" Stone Circle, which is near Dumfries, Scotland. It is between Holywood and Newbridge. Since the true resurrection of the sun and the igniting of life occurs on the winter solstice, don't celebrate the summer solstice other than to acknowledge it.

The stone circle was reputed to be the largest in Scotland. We parked in a small lay by north, from an information plaque walked five hundred yards though a grass field into the centre of the circle. We arrive five hours after sunrise, other than deflated blue and gold balloons tied to a gate post there were no other indication of people having been here.

Charlie then turned the car around, and we drove to the seaside via Drumburn Viewpoint. We drove into a farmyard at the base of the hill, but I was too weak to walk. Before departing to retrieve two ice creams or bottles of fizzy pop, Charlie dropped me off at a lighthouse in Southernesse.

It's great to be a part of someone's life who sees me, cares about me, and values the things I do and have done. A person to hold, to rest with and feel safe.

We travelled west to Rockcliffe, parked the car and walked some distance across the mud flats. On the beach, a woman with tattoos waited as if she were stuck with worry. Her dog made me think of a friend I lived with in Bath many years ago. Charlie commented on how sharp the crushed shells felt on his feet as they covered the shoreline.

After driving to Castle Douglas, we traversed a high street, passed a park, and then reversed our course to return to Hawick. As we left Castle Douglas, the sky opened up and it poured down rain. Apple Maps led us through the middle of Dumfries before we got to Lockerbie. A yelling motorist in Langholm blocked our path and stopped when we wouldn't reverse. As we arrived at the farmhouse, we discovered that our replacement used console had been delivered. This console was acquired from eBay only a few days prior. The freelander's current console had been improperly wired and hacked, likely by the previous owner in an attempt to install a different car stereo. I lay in bed, sweated, and slept for twelve hours because I was exhausted.