July 2023

20th

We collected a friend from her flat in Hawick then drove down the A7 towards Langholm. Before Langholm there is a roadside cafe I've thought about entering, this time we parked and ordered some breakfast. Charlie wished he had ordered what was on my plate, a sausage and egg sandwich.

Today we returned to the auction mart in Carlisle, Charlie was interested to see a Thai dancing idol go under the hammer. The lot made over £700 which I thought expensive, but Charlie figured the lot could easily have made anything between £1200 and £5000 on a different day. Many items at auction appeared to be junk, I was surprised how much people will pay, what use is it other than to be used, say, for a film prop. We watched a stone manger auctioned for almost £5000!

We also visited a garden centre, and purchased more weed killer, most if not all doc leaves have been eradicated from the farmhouse grounds. We would have drop sprayed the paddock, if there had not been ewes and lambs grazing. Returning back to the Scottish Border via Langholm we stopped at a collectables shop, where Charlie purchased me mounted antlers to hang on my flat wall. We finished the evening at the farmhouse, I could help gazing at Charlies frogs in his pond before retiring the evening in front of a roaring wood / coal fire.

19th

Returning from the Selkirk to the farmhouse, as we drove up the steep incline of our driveway both, Charlie and I overheard a hundred or so lambs weaning, distant upon the western hillside. In the duration of the decade Charlie has lived here, he never heard lambs weaning, until this very night.

18th

This website had short duration of downtime this morning as I re-imaged this hosting server, processes running much faster now, and the old legacy website; this website was re-written from, is now erased.

Today I cooked Charlie a geordie casserole named panackelty; my mother cooked this.

17th

Beyond a facade of peace, they is a psychological war, depriving you of everything you're in this world to be.

16th

Due to their slow recovery from their eye infection, we gave the flock twice as much antibiotic this morning. Charlie has assured me that their blindness is only temporary. On that day, we drove out of Hawick to Smailholm Tower after offloading a duff hover to the household refuse dump.

We drove back through Earlston, and stopped at the Cooperative supermarket. Before leaving for Hawick, we spent the evening at the farmhouse having a traditional Sunday roast. After just six days, my mantle clock lost twenty-one minutes, prompting Charlie to shorten the pendulum.⁣

15th

My friend visited this morning, and I'm glad to hear that she is adjusting well to life in the Scottish Borders. Following our visits to both grasskeeps and Melrose, we passed St. Boswells and saw a Gypsy fair on the village green.

Late at night, I'm at the farmhouse working on this website while a roaring fire burns behind me.

14th

I spent the entire day in my flat coding this website.

13th

Today I set off the pendulum on my mantle clock. The clock is now running after I used 3in1 house oil to clean the mechanism. At night, I transported my new Singer sewing machine, which was manufactured in Scotland between 1958 and mid-1963, to my flat. I want to make curtains for the farmhouse, then summer dresses, and if Charlie needs it, I can fix up his clothes. It's a bright sunny morning today, the sheep will be happier and healthier. I am currently working on the development and formatting of this website.

I have been experiencing symptoms of illness for the majority of the day; I am believing that the high-frequency vibrations emanating from the grass trimmer are having a detrimental impact on my health. When I'm using the string trimmer, my mind wanders. About two hours later, I get a headache and fall asleep for hours and hours. Nothing alleviates or overwrites the auditory hallucination relaying spiteful messages, not blindness of dissociation or even serve persistences of Tinnitus I endure.

12th

Cleaned the farmhouse, the hover kept clogging up with brown dust; I am suspecting this to be one of the causes of Charlie's lung problems. I noticed that the dust was going down as I cleaned the hover's air filters. Charlie returned home from work and observed the living room's improved appearance as I concentrated on eliminating cardboard boxes. The rain continued to fall while I alternated between housework and gardening; the scene was serene, but my thoughts were racing. I suffer a constant stream of negative messages that started ten years ago after going through a lot of trauma while being homeless and moving around. Today, I'm helping Charlie with his housework; it's easy to get stuck when you're dissociative and by yourself. The rain began to fall as we began to gather ourselves to pen the flock, and Charlie finished his work late. We called our two cade lambs, and they came along with half of the flock. Charlie had lured the other nine sheep in with ewe nuts. The Zwartble ewe, the cause of the eye infection, had to be brought into the pen.

We tried to get the ewe to walk through the gate that led to her lambs, but she got confused between the direction of her three lambs and the rain. Charlie led the ewe away as I closed the paddock gate, as she escaped my grasp and slipped and slid on the steep incline of the paddock. We drew the ewe to the gate, and I grabbed her and pulled her back. We decided that the remaining sheep, a tup, and an ewe would approach us after time out, so we left them. Use the rain to entice the sheep into the poly tunnel, where they will enter willingly and escape the dampness. They are straightforward to pen in this location. The lambs receive a 1 mm injection of a white antibiotic, while the ewes receive a 3 mm injection. After administering the injection, we labeled each sheep with red paint. Charlie held the lambs while I filled the syringe. Cade Lamb, whom I have named Donna (after newsreader Donna Birrell), fought fiercely to be released, and I believed that she was a fighter like me. As time pressed on the other sheep resisted less, completing the job we opened the pen and exited, leaving the flock to shelter in the poly tunnel.

11th

We drove early in the morning to Carlisle for Harrison & Hetherington's fortnightly auction at Borderway Mart. We arrived for viewing an hour after opening time; there were a fifty or so bidders there. We had already viewed this auction on the internet, but were keen to examine the items by hand. Among items of interest were two framed prints of highland farm life, singer sewing machines, a coffee table and other items of furniture. The bidding commence around eleven o'clock, each lot took about twenty seconds to briefly show and auction. To our bemusement, under the hammer, was a comical red and black Chinese suit. The auctioneer helper, as he showed the item to the bidders, pulled his eyes back into slits as he wore the suit's kippa hat upon his balding head, we laughed rapturous; whilst remembering a playground song, "Chin chin chinaman". I declared, to hell with political correctness, in hell shall it belong, damnation eternal with mass murderer Mao Zedong. There were over two hundred lots to be called before our items, so we took a break and visited the cattle markets café. We enjoyed Salmon pasta bake with chips with a drink of coffee; seated opposite was a couple I recognised, Charlie in comment declared "this could be anywhere, farmer taking his daughter and granddaughter out to a mart".

Information boards told of, in some detail, this historic cattle market's two hundred-year-old history. I wondered how our ancestors felt must have felt being here, investing their meagre wages, in optimism of a prosperous livelihood; simple things we take for granted were hard won for them, barely within grasp of their worn hands, chapped with calluses. We stopped at a supermarket after seeing a sign advertising coffee for £1 a cup, but not noticing the small print requesting the purchase of a sandwich together with the takeaway coffee. We drank the coffee in a lay by in Longtown, before cross the border into Scotland; in many ways I have missed the warmness of English people.

9th

Sam, Charlie's rescue dog, bit me this morning when I tried to give him biscuits. He also bit Charlie yesterday when he tried to get him into another room. Sam's recent behaviour is worrying.

We did some gardening today, removing cleavers and nettles, pruning a rose bush hedge, and blitzing masses of dock leaves with a strimmer. Before leaving for work, Charlie lit the incinerator.

8th

Charlie and I visited his place of employment on the same day.

He works with cows, lots of cows.

The crusher is useful for keeping a cow still while you take care of it, but I don't think it should be used for this.

It is evident that cow's milk is superior to substitute powered milk for the health of the calf. However, adoption (parenthood) should never be mandatory for any creature.⁣

It is intriguing to learn that cows' ears retract when they are experiencing discomfort. Calfs use a bucket to be fed, while lambs use a teat that is connected to a bottle!

One of these had a teat fastened to what looked like a bottle of wine.

All three calves took two bottles, and the calf before it wanted milk from the calf that came after it, so you have to be patient when feeding them.

The cow in the picture on the right is called a Belgium blue.

Mullein, the plant pictured below is an expectorant, helping the body expel excess mucus, by helping make your coughs more productive. It is also a demulcent, creating a soothing anti-inflammatory coating over mucous membranes.

Being around these cows made me feel better and made me realize how crazy my mind is during the day. While I awaited Charlie's completion of his task, I was neither bored nor preoccupied.

7th

At noon, my friend and I walked up Galalaw Hill and looked at the wildflowers along the way.

I was pleased with the hillwalk and am optimistic that I have expended some of the calories associated with my current weight of sixteen stone.⁣

6th

I spent the entire night feeling uneasy on my faux leather couch, not paying attention to Charlie's complaints about his absence. I feel sorry for him because I am old and cold, and I know that I will never be sufficiently warmed by the cold emotional borderline personality disorder I suffer from; it is etched on justifications from expectations that could almost be predicted as social and emotional duties of expressing mutuality. I acknowledge that there are aspects of myself that are absent, and this sentiment deeply disturbs me. In the afternoon, I got a message on Facebook Messenger from a neighbour: five lambs had got out of the farmhouse paddock and were following angry Scottish blackfaces down the lane. The message was ambiguous regarding whether the lambs had been placed back in the paddock for safety.

5th

Strolled through the Borthwick Valley for a bit. While walking around Chisholme House's grounds, I saw pink and white woodland fox gloves. As I went down a hill and past grazing fields, I saw that the gates were held together with wire. I discovered an old, disused church that I had previously observed from the Roberton/Craik Forest road, a few hundred yards along the Borthwick water.

The Northumbrian couple, who were not Scottish, were tending to their garden in a house adjacent to the church. They described how the old church used to be a youth hostel, how they had been asked to serve as hostel wardens, and how they had gone pony trekking through the valley. Another couple is now fixing up the church because they want to rent it out as a holiday home before moving there and retiring.

While crossing the Borthwick water, I exercised caution while walking across a bridge. A sign on the bridge indicated that it was an unsafe structure and advised only one person to cross at a time. The discomfort in my feet persuaded me to either continue in the direction of Roberton or return to the Craig. The graveyard was quiet, and as I walked by, I took off my hat because it's important to honour our people's old traditions. If the churches' horrific self-loathing doctrines had not inflicted such profound psychological damage on generations of our ancestors, they would have no regard for Christianity.⁣

I observed approximately one hundred sheep confined in pens, with four vehicles parked outside a bustling barn. I was uncertain whether the ewes were being sheared or if they were being separated from their lambs. The mile or so was difficult for me to walk, and although I wanted to go farther toward the Craik, I was unable to do so due to foot and ankle pain. Charlie observed a sick Zwartble ewe at the farmhouse gate upon his return from work. He brought down the ewe from her feet whilst I filled 3 mm of dark-coloured antibiotic into a syringe; it pains me to witness the flock unwell. That evening, I came home to find that my new bathroom scales, which I had bought on Amazon, had already been delivered. I weighed 103 kg and completed a BMI calculation, which indicated that I am obese and require a weight loss of 30 kg or more, which is equivalent to one-third of my body weight. I must have been heavier, as I have lost some weight over the past fortnight. It is concerning to learn that the BMI calculator recommended that I consult a physician, as I am now at risk of developing type 2 diabetes. The cause is poor mental health and insufficient exercise; I don't frequently overeat. I am determined to start living a more active life today! When Charlie came over with clock keys, he tried for two hours to start my new pendulum clock. Found a key that nearly fit and commenced winding both the chimes and the hands. The clock is uncomplicated, lacking any elaborate wood carvings; however, the melodious chimes and tick-toking sound are delightful.

4th

We devised a plan to travel to Galashiels and then to Selkirk following the auction. However, we have determined to postpone this trip by an additional week. Charlie pulled over in a parking lay-by on the way to Hawick along Roberton Road to urinate (his medication causes frequent urination); I thought, "What the hell is this?" as I peered out the car window.

The individuals who ridiculed Jesus placed a reed in His hand as a mock staff to mock His "Kingship." Then, after making fun of Him, they picked up the reed again and hit Jesus on the head with it.

After picking up our friend in Hawick, we went to Selkirk and went to the Halliwell's House museum, which was free to enter.

3rd

Feeding the flock we transported to the paddock yesterday, we noticed how disturbed they were, in contrast to the other sheep that have been grazing at the paddock for a couple of months. They, two tups, one ewe with two lambs, stood at the top of the hill watching the others feed. Now some might say this is because they have been unsettled because of displacement, but at both grass keeps the flocks are very jumpy, and near impossible to round up. At the first grass keep, the landowner could not get them to go anywhere, and two days ago we only managed to round up six. The first grass keep is remote, there are only two nearby houses located on a dead end road; no public footpaths are nearby. The second grass keep having a footpath running one side and a road the other. At this grass keep, one lamb died from ingestion of weedkiller, another was mauled to death. Whilst shearing we found hedge trimmings had tied the legs together of one ewe, another lame with a thorn in her hoof. Sheep do get bothered, have problems, but how disturbed they are is concerning; we have noticed contention to our presence from people driving by in cars. Few borders people actually know us, several months I've resided here yet have still to make one Scottish friend. Charlie has recently been concerned at the state of the second grass keep perimeter fence, lambs will be taken from their mother ewes soon; Charlie reckons ewes will stray into other fields looking for missing lambs.

2nd

Today we went to the second grass keep. Five ewes were manually sheared after Charlie penned all but one. Charlie decided to constrict the flock, as all but one had entered the pen for feeding. He had been waiting with a certain amount of patience. The two tups were the last to enter the pen.

They were hurriedly loaded into the trailer and driven back to the farmhouse paddock. To spray our pandemic of dock leaves, Charlie diluted some Resolva concentrate weedkiller for me in the evening. To cover most of them, fifteen litres of this weedkiller were sprayed.

1st

Charlie wanted to go shearing sheep today, but I pushed for a drive instead because of the shifting weather; we're going to Largs on the west coast. We drove through the stunning Yair Valley from the Borthwick Valley through Ashkirk and Selkirk on our way to Peebles. We stopped to refuel at a café in Innerleithen, it reminded me of how I used to be. I must have had a panic attack when I walked into the café because I lost my bank card almost right away. After leaving the café, I searched my whole car, threw my purse on the table, and found my card in a small zippered pocket. Although a latte and a breakfast burrito helped ease the pain of being embarrassed, paranoia lingered through the thickening dissociative fog. Upon crossing the River Tweed, we proceeded to Peebles, passing by Traquair House and passing through Cardona. Since I now only own black dresses, Arlie wanted to get me a colorful one. However, when I went into Fat Face, I discovered and bought a cheap black leather hangbag. Looked all over the high street but could only find nice patterns on cheap nylon. We reached Biggar at 2:00 pm after passing Neidpath Castle. After taking a detour from a café, we went into the town's museum.

The museum was interesting. Inside, there was a model of a palace that never existed because the architect had too many ideas for it to be possible. Models of hill forts and tower houses were present before we entered rooms that had been transformed into timeless shops. A number of the antiques that were displayed in these rooms were also present in our farmhouse. As we connected with the M74, side lining Glasgow towards the West Coast. We drove for sixty miles to get to the west coast of North Ayrshire. The light from the water here is cleansing, and the breeze is cool. I recall walking this distance some months ago, as I passed Hunterston B powerstation and traveled along a coastline road through Fairlie. We parked our car in Largs, and Charlie ran off to a Costa coffee shop because he had to go to the bathroom right away. During that time, I took some pictures of the ferry leaving for Millport island.

Feeling uneasy about people walking around Largs, we looked for a place to eat and chose the "Droughty Neebors," a busy pub by Belhaven. Since there were no seats at the front of the pub, we ordered fish and chips and took a seat in the back. The food was of high quality, and the staff was coherent despite being rushed. However, the pub's operation was disrupted by an obnoxious drunken woman who sang and shouted through the rear door and on from the garden. When we were leaving the parking lot on Avenue Largs, we saw that the pay machine that was supposed to bill drivers as they left the lot had broken down. It took vehicle license plates. Decided to travel south along the coastline until the road veered toward Kilmarnock. As I drove into Saltcoats, I passed the golf course where last year's birthday party ended in a tent, with no one else there.

After approaching Aldi and Iceland, I asked Charlie to halt the vehicle, as I was apprehensive about the "car over the harbour edge" warning signs. This allowed me to capture a photograph of the sea from the harbor wall.

As we drove to New Cumnock, a bus pulled up and picked up an old man who was hitchhiking. It then dropped him off in Sanquhar. The town was not only remembered from a visit to the museum, but also from being dropped off and propositioned for fellatio by a railway worker who had provided me with a ride. Upon arriving in Thornhill, Charlie returned from the shop with a cup of coffee and ice cream. Charlie took the road to Langholm after driving to Dumfries and Lockerbie, but he turned around when I discovered a quicker route through Eskdalemuir forest to Borthwick Valley. We stopped at the Tushilaw Inn, I had told the barman yesterday evening that we'd be returning today. A male individual who was standing outside observed us and instructed his female companion to remain silent before proceeding to enter the pub. I had to order larger [Tennants] bottles because the house draft had made me throw up one night around a week ago.

I will not be returning to that location in this lifetime, and I hope to never even set foot around this establishment in the next. We could not have referred to this despicable establishment as our local pub, as it was located fifteen miles from the farmhouse and was considered far too obscene. It was satisfying to close the farmhouse gate on our way, as well as to close the door and draw the curtains for the day. I had devoted an excessive amount of time to travelling.