August 2023

31st

We woken at my flat, had breakfast and drove to the farmhouse.

Sunny landscape with several white tents pitched in a grassy field. The tents appear to be temporary structures, possibly for camping or an event. Rolling green hills and a partly cloudy blue sky form the backdrop. The scene is peaceful and idyllic.

After noticing marques had been set up at the Roberton show, Charlie fed the sheep.

Charlie tending to a flock of sheep on a hillside farm. A Border Collie dog is watching nearby. The scene is pastoral, suggesting rural life and animal husbandry. He appears to be interacting with the sheep, possibly feeding or checking them. The overall mood is calm and peaceful.

Feeding the sheep on the paddock, a lamb who I named "fat lips" after his Orf infection, has scold inbetween his cloven hooves. Charlie requests a can of violet spray.

Small tractor parked next to a makeshift structure built from wooden pallets and covered with a black tarp. The structure appears to be used for storing or composting hay or straw. The ground is muddy, suggesting recent wet weather.

Still mucking out to do in the poly tunnel, however Charlie has made a significant dent enough to get the tractor trailer in.

Flock of sheep grazing on a grassy hillside under a partly cloudy sky. A wire fence runs along the bottom of the image, separating the sheep from a path or road.

Early, we drove to Jedburgh to pick up a lot we'd won at Brown's auction house. We came with our trailer as we were picking up a three and two-seater leather sofa. The people there were attentive, loading the trailer whilst Charlie strapped everything in. Driving away, we were disturbed to overhear some chanting coming through the loading area of the auction house, sounded African. This view of Borthwick water is refreshing, I took a photograph whilst Charlie, someplace over the road, away from the water, spent a much needed piss.

Tranquil river scene under a dramatic, heavily clouded sky. A gently flowing river meanders through lush green pastures, bordered by verdant banks and a few trees. The sky is a mix of dark, brooding clouds and lighter areas, suggesting an impending change in weather.

The three seater sofa was atleast eight foot long, to big to go through the front and rear doors of the farmhouse. With the help of a neighbour we got the eight foot sofa through the hall window and into the living room. We sat down and enjoyed the sofas in a now lively living room that had been used as a cold, dark store room for years.

Rural landscape with a dirt road leading to a house. A dark-colored SUV towing a small trailer loaded with items (possibly luggage or camping gear) is parked on the road. Another smaller, light-colored car is parked further up the road, near a stone wall. The setting is lush and green, with mature trees lining the road. A wooden gate is in the foreground.

To purchase ingredients for our panackelty casserole dish we parked up at Cooperative Supermarket in St Boswells. Mintues after a car appears, pulls up beside our car.

Taken from inside a car, shows a blurry view of a woman walking in front of a building. The woman is wearing a light-colored jacket and dark pants. The building appears to be light-coloured with windows. The car's windshield is dirty, obscuring the view. The reflection of another building shows in the car's side mirror.
Person, seemingly a woman, wearing glasses and a dark-coloured jacket. She appears to be walking past a wooden bench, outside of a building. The image is slightly blurry and out of focus, possibly taken through a window or some type of protective covering. The background shows a light-coloured building and the partial view of a car.
Woman viewed through a car windshield. She is wearing a green jacket and appears to be looking down, possibly at something on the ground. The windshield is somewhat dirty or smeared, and there are several pieces of paper stuck to the outside of it, obscuring the view. The background shows a residential building.

A scruffy woman, sporting nike, an army raincoat, deep throated a banana. Then returning from placing the banana skin in the bin she sexual touched herself up in front of our car.

Picturesque landscape dominated by rolling green hills and fields under a partly cloudy sky. A line of dark trees separates the foreground pasture from the more distant, undulating hills. Scattered across the green pasture are a small flock of white sheep.

Unabated, we tended to the welfare of two flocks of sheep at two different locations, then drove along the Ashkirk to Roberton road, the panoramic views of the borders here are outstanding. The openesss of this beautiful view never ceases to invoke awe; enboldening and reinvigorating it is to be outside here.

29th

Another month has passed, only two more days till September. Much commotion outside my flat this morning, I don't react as this aggrevates my generalised anxiety until I have trouble returning to the area. The weather is fine outside, most days I wrestle with irrational aprehensions to initiate enjoying the outdoors.

28th

Been attacked by wasps during the last month, today three wasps were flying upon our car outside Morrisons supermarket, Hawick. I was also attacked yesterday, again at Selkirk, have swollen allergic reaction all down my left leg. Did you know wasps advertise aggressiveness by the markings on their heads. The more black spots, the more ferocious it is. I've noticed black sheep that are born from a mostly white flock are considerably more fearless, brash and aggressive.

Yellowjacket wasp lying on its back on a dark gray surface, which appears to be the top of a car's window frame. The wasp's body is visible, and its wings are slightly spread. The background is out of focus, but it seems to be the inside of a vehicle.
Close-up view of the dashboard of a car. Specifically, it focuses on the top edge of the dashboard, near the windshield, where a small, deceased insect (possibly a wasp) is visible. The dashboard is dark gray and shows some dust accumulation. The background is a blurry out-of-focus view of a parking lot.

I had two hours to wait for my B12 injection, so I popped into the Trinity bar, to gain some perspective from the other day. The B12 injection was straight forward, I am at my last ampoule. The nurse enquired if I felt better for taking them, replying I stated that I fell asleep drinking tea and coffee; both physical and mental health has improved significantly. But being in Hawick has healed me also, having sheltered from suffering extremities of cold and heat, wind and rain.

27th

It's a mild sunny morning and Charlie has rested, I am optimistic that many jobs on the farmhouse are going to be near completed today. Charlie made a significant dig into the poly tunnel muck, loading and transporting five trailers up to the top of the paddock. I cleaned the farmhouse, the amount of dust in the carpet is incredible, emptied the chocked up hoover several times. We noticed work has begun setting up the Roberton show.

Wide, expansive green field under a cloudy sky. In the mid-ground, there is a series of what appear to be temporary livestock pens or enclosures made of metal fencing. Beyond the field, there's a line of trees and rolling hills. T
Large pile of harvested grain, likely oats or a similar cereal crop, stored inside a barn or agricultural building. The grain is piled high, forming a mound that fills much of the structure's interior. The overall impression is one of abundance and the culmination of a harvest.

Visited a Woodside Plant Centre, the establishment was sieving with animosity, more so in their Birdhouse Tearoom, Charlie purchased coffee and strawberry cheesecake as I caught two workers eyes whilst they were having a conversation about us. This happens every time we revisit a place, more so after a duration of time. We bagged chaff for the sheep, and packed two other bags, rich in wheat, for our elderly neighbour [also socially isolated] who enjoys feeding birds in his garden.

26th

Hung over this morning, sleepless during the night with a sore stomach, it's Charlies birthday today. We had a meal in the Cross Keys restuarant in Denholm, the bill came to £56, Charlie is 56 years old today; his birthday, that they cannot overshadow or dispossess hapless. I found such appalling isolatation when I arrived here, no more will they inflict such a deprivation on our people.

Small, rushing stream cascading down a rocky slope in a lush green landscape. The water is frothy and appears somewhat muddy, suggesting recent rainfall. The banks are lined with vibrant green grass, and overhanging trees provide shade. A gently sloping hill covered in moss is visible in the background.

Returning to the farmhouse I strimmed the paddock of dock leaves, then hung out with the flock for half an hour. When I sat down to rest, they all came to me, flooded tears to my eyes that these animals can recognise worth in me.

Dark brown sheep, possibly a breed known for its thick, curly fleece, standing in profile in a lush green pasture. The sheep is positioned against a backdrop of rolling green hills and low stone walls, suggesting a rural or pastoral setting. Other sheep are visible in the background, grazing peacefully. The overall impression is one of serenity and the beauty of the natural world.

Below was the same lamb sick during March this year, limp and almost dead from wet mouth. This was my first contact with lambs, so Charlie was distraught. They go downhill so quickly, he had no idea this would happen. I nursed and nursed her until she became well.

Deceased black lamb lying on its side in a cage filled with straw. Its eyes are closed, and its body appears relaxed. The overall impression is one of quiet stillness and loss.

Early on in the day, with the heavy down pour of rain in mind, I took some pictures, let go of sorrows into a burn that flows through the glen by our farmhouse. We have two neighbours that are our friends, they live in the farmhouse cottages and are English.

Serene pastoral scene. Several sheep graze in a lush green field under a clear blue sky, partially clouded. A stone wall is visible in the background, along with a line of dark green trees and a few small buildings, suggesting a rural or farm setting. The overall mood is peaceful and idyllic. A sheep feeder is partially visible in the middle ground.

The other neighbours small talk, when they don't want to feel ignorant; at best I believe them [both English and Scots] to be stuck up snobs. This beautiful, wild, area of the Scottish Borders, has healed me.

25th

After a visit to Jedburgh, Charlie dropped me along Hawick High street to do some shopping. Figuring a no to do I walked the length, over the river Teviot, stopped at William Lockie, then past Sainsbury's and Aldi supermarkets, crossed over the Teviot again and took a left. At the end of the street I stumbled upon a lively establishment named the Trinity Bar.

Exterior of a pub called The Trinity Bar in what appears to be a small town or village. The pub's entrance is partially open, revealing a glimpse of the interior. A No Entry sign is present on the sidewalk, suggesting potential roadworks or closures nearby. A traffic cone sits on the pavement near the pub's entrance. The overall atmosphere feels quiet and somewhat deserted, with overcast skies visible in the background.
Leonie sitting at a pub bar. She's wearing glasses and a knit cap. Two television screens in the background show horse races. A pint of beer and a shot glass sit on the bar in front of her. Other patrons are visible at the bar, as is a bartender. The overall atmosphere appears casual and relaxed.
Close-up of a glass of beer, with Leonie in a knit hat blurred in the background. The beer glass is cold, as evidenced by the condensation on its surface. She appears to be taking a selfie or a photo from her perspective. The focus is strongly on the beer, making Leonie a secondary element of the composition.

I drank Tenets with Fireball chasers as I observed the pub, the bar maid rushed off her feet and a group of men gathered around the pool table. Beside me was an old guy named Ian Armstrong, he told me he could not see, asked me to light his cigarette, then sometime later lit it himself up; he pulled out a twenty pound note, asked if the note was ten, my honesty?

And the rain poured down as workmen, outside the Trinity bar, endeavoured to contruct Hawick's flood defences.

I knocked back four pints and six fireball chasers before Charlie arrived at the bar in his car from finishing work. He ordered a pint of bitter, whilst I encouraged him to play a game of pool. As I did, he lost the game, but denounced himself as a bad player rather than complimenting his opponent on their winning. The police entered, searching for a man, not present. We walked the high street, stopping at the Queens head, where we were bemused by a middle-aged woman who bared an uncanny resemblance to Pauline from the League of Gentleman; not just by her appearance, but by her social presentation. Despondence was greeted by a deep voiced, wide shouldered elderly woman that made an effort to be friendly. Seated in the Cooper's bar were creepy males, we noticed a handicapped man I had recognised from the Waverley bar, he flopped his bare basketball belly up and down as he stumbled across an eighties style, disco lit dance floor. Charlie commented on the barmaid being unfriendly, in observant retrospective of the bar's creepy clientele, I replied "rightly so". Further along the high street we noticed a lively Office Bar, but at this stage of the evening, after the last two bars, did not feel lively enough to enter. We found our one time professional darts player neighbour seated alone in the Exchange Bar, seating ourselves with drinks we humoured him with a caricature description of our day out in Hawick.

24th

I have pain in my body from over use of a strimmer; the dock leaves on the paddock have been shredded now. Sam [Charlie's rescued sheepdog] enjoyed what we could not eat of the steak and onion pie late last night. He sits in his kennel a lot because there is not much to do about him in there. Through his anxieties he appears to view the eventuality of his world as a hauntology omen, often I coax him into the farmhouse with a dog treat. Sam enjoys chewy sticks and meaty strips; loud noise stresses him but excited he chases, encircling motion.

Tri-color Border Collie sitting on a bed of hay inside a rustic, makeshift pen or enclosure. The pen is constructed from weathered wood and wire mesh. The dog is looking directly at the camera, appearing somewhat subdued or perhaps watchful. The overall tone is somewhat melancholic, emphasising the dog's apparent isolation within its confined space.
Close-up of a border collie-type dog's head and upper body. The dog is predominantly black and white with some tan/brown markings around its eyes. It's positioned in a wooden structure, nestled in a bed of straw. The dog's gaze is directed upwards and slightly to the side, giving a pensive or watchful expression. The focus is primarily on the dog's face, highlighting its expressive eyes.

Initally we built the kennel so Sam could have dry off time before re-entering the farmhouse. Frozen solitude seems to abate his anxieties, but this isn't living is it, he has to be thawed out. I enjoy staying at the farmhouse, similar to Sam unnatural noises bother me, because of hypersensitivity wrought from hypervigilance. Even after one year sheltered inside a flat, I am trigger jumpy, tormented with flashbacks rewinding and playing over day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year.

23rd

The sheep, contented on chewing cud, were unmotivated to return to the paddock and graze. One of my cade lambs, stood against the gate, refusing to move whilst I attempted to close the flock into the paddock. Winter is approaching and there is so much to do with mucking out and improving ventilation of the poly tunnel. Charlie put up the poly tunnel when the farmhouse barn was sold off for property development, but years later the land is still idle, thank god.

Small, fenced-in garden plot situated on a hillside overlooking a pasture with sheep. The plot contains plants that appear to be harvested, with their stalks and vines visible. A large, black plastic tarp structure is visible in the background, possibly a makeshift greenhouse or storage area. The overall setting is rural and suggests a small-scale farming or gardening operation.

Our kitchen garden is dead, blight killed our potato crop, birds ate our onions, swedes, and French dwarf beans. We learned a lot about growing veg within the Scottish Borders, and next year plan for a bountiful garden. We are planting blight resistant potatoes, placing boards underneath the garden's perimeter fencing and hanging bird nets; this should be enough unless addition measures are thought of. This is the first time in a decade I've made plans months ahead.

Partially-assembled steak and onion pie. A pastry crust is in a baking dish, filled with a rich, brown gravy containing chunks of steak and onions. Other baking pans are visible in the background, suggesting a cooking process in progress.

In the evening, I made an attempt at baking a steak and kidney pie. Charlie purchased chopped steak and a joint of silverside, the silverside was better quality meat, and more of it for a cheaper price. I enjoyed mixing the ingredients together and rolling out the pastry; topping the pie with a pastry tractor emblem before brushing on an egg yolk glaze. The farmhouse oven / cooker has become unpredicable after twenty years of use, which is difficult as I rely heavily on predictability, observations obscured due to being traumatised blind with abuses.

Rectangular baking dish containing a baked pie with a deeply browned, glossy crust. The crust exhibits some uneven browning, suggesting areas of higher heat exposure during baking. The pie appears to be filled, though the filling itself is not visible.

For half an hour this pie seemed not to have cooked, ten minutes later Charlie peeked inside the oven to find the egg glaze had burned. With reinvigorated faith, he placed the pie onto a lower shelf, and turned on pots of potatoes, cabbage and carrots I'd chopped earlier. Potatoes were mashed undercooked, so we placed the mash into a microwave, the vegetables were OK. We ate late at 10:30pm, tearfully tired was I but hid this from Charlie who'd had a long day at work. Failures provide insight, so all is, alas, not lost; he enjoyed the pastry.