November 2025

30th

Charlie sweating in bed with the flu; uploaded Chicken Soup film to YouTube; considering production, my recipe films are requiring much improvement! Throughout my life, I've got Jewish friends, most of them love Chicken Soup and I hear some Jewish people even call this soup Jewish penicillin! I use the herb Thyme, but you can also use Tarragon.

29th

Last night me and Charlie visited Teviothead hall to play board games with the people of Teviothead.

28th

Going through a second edit and sequencing of my next film; although clips mostly are presented in chronological order. Charlie returned with a straw bale for the ploytunnel and I cooked Chicken Soup; spooked I talked about ghosts at Woodburn Farmhouse. Film also focuses on chopping logs, keeping warm.

I've found the Borthwick valley healing, an unyielding ascetic, fortitude that is both enamouring and invigorating. I came to this valley with Charlie three years ago today, this day we became friends, we were both isolated and somewhat lonely; after six months of mutually beneficial friendship we became closer.

27th

Criticising Ancrum, the critical village that will not be criticised has, maybe in retaliation in the form of complaints, hurt my channel. I was averaging about 800 views on each film, this has now lowered to 400 views. This decline began 2 days after my Ancrum film aired on my channel. This considering things that have been said about me in this village, months before this film was aired. Films aired on my channel have no restrictions whatsoever; there is nothing that contradicts YouTube policy, nor have I broken the law in any way. It's an intense sadism to gaslight, smear, marginalise and ridicule somebody into social ostracism then to react so strongly to criticism; this is a form of irreproachable narcissism; from a stepford community bound by sacrosanct repression.

A friend recently described Ancrum's community as hard people, meaning: difficult, unsympathetic, and inflexible people who are challenging to deal with. I also have an acquaintance from Ancrum whom I have known before I moved to the village; he does not have a problem with me; this leaves a question open, did my moving to Ancrum cause a “moral panic” within Ancrums repressive community. And if so, who are the moral entrepreneurs? Where is the gaslit dialogue platformed between rule creators and enforcers? For this bandwagon problem to arise outside Ancrum the moral entrepreneur would hold influence in the political sphere; radicalised zealots conjuring indelible scrutiny from a political organisation. Silent repression hides behind a facade of social normality.

26th

Cranky, having two Mini Cooper S cars park either side at supermarket, after returning from a garage where two tires were replaced either side of my Mini Cooper. Years ago, I remember a risk assessment with a security company in London, describing to them the situation and the people who do these things, they stated they were the worst kind of stalkers. However, after two days of providing me service, my assigned driver became as jumpy and paranoid as I was, leaving me stranded for half an hour at Kings Cross. Guess his blacked out Range Rover with a 666 number plate didn't help the situations; after a drive up the M40 he dropped me off at Le Manoir aux Quat Saisons stating that he didn't want to chauffeur me again and that was that. That driver, a security detail, trained to deal with crowds, situations, had chauffeured the Beckhams and Jay Z, yet found chauffeuring me too daunting. I received a refund for that day, but the whole thing left me with a sense of hopelessness, that even when paying a thousand pounds a day for security, I'd not escape or evade these evil cranks.

I blew my inheritance travelling around the country, staying at luxury hotels, visiting places, from an impoverished disposition of extreme destitution. Yet, these cranks were nothing to the nay saying zealots that continue, without conscience, to prize open and burn down my life to this day, unto the smouldering pyre of forced exclusion. For fifteen years my life has been reset, over and over; days, weeks, months, and years of being overshadowed as a hapless opportunity mule. Overwhelmed, sleep-deprived and dissociated from hunger and thirst I endured over seventy-four mental health assessments, only two psychiatrists on one occasion misdiagnosed me as suffering from negative symptoms of schizophrenia, With the help of a mental health advocate I took both psychiatrists before a medical tribunal and won, receiving an immediate discharge from hospital. I have overcome cPTSD, GAD, but never experienced psychosis. Being subjected to coincidences has become normalised into everyday life; we can't change this, however, we can choose our reactions, don't react.

24th

Charlie and I went to the Ettrick River, Newark Castle, and the Cross Keys pub in Ettrickbridge yesterday. Salmon were seemingly not current in the area, which prevented us from recording them as they climbed the fish ladder close to the Ettrick River.

We were followed into the pub by a man wearing a Raiders sweatshirt, who filled his partner in on his vexations of disdain. It was like we had walked into a superficial predisposition that had judged us, that had known us without us knowing them. We did enjoy the food and beer, though, and the staff was very friendly and helpful. Charlie and his ex-wife went to church in Ettrick Bridge, but there was a strange air of contempt in this pub that went beyond its professional exterior. It was like the Raiders logo had given people an altercate mood.

Myself and Charlie rarely dine out, except for a modest Wetherspoon meal at The Bourtree in Hawick, due to our financial constraints. We also prefer home-cooked meals over eating out at restaurants. After learning about the politics of my local MSP, I was sick to my stomach, as I had previously dined at her hotel restaurant. Since then, we have hardly gone out to eat. We endure terrible experiences; however, venturing outside to escape for a brief period appears to be a mortal sin. Why do some people enjoy making life harder for other people?

I like to bake for Charlie, and he sent me a photo of the fruit cake sliced and packed in his lunchbox. Today, I am anticipating the arrival of workers who will replace my prepayment meter with a smart meter. I was inclined to self-censor content on my YouTube channel as a result of the hardship disposition I experienced due to the inability to top up gas and electric locally. It is wrong to use a prepayment credit machine in this way; gas and electricity are basic needs. Individuals who desire to be immune to criticism deliver harsh criticism.

We do not possess attractive teeth; these are our teeth, not implants; we're not toothless. Our clothes are old and worn because we value longevity. We are ourselves, so we are what we do and know what we do because we walk our talk; say as we mean to go on, allowing people to discover us. We own predicament, and display overcome hardships as a banner of pride. Age gracefully, your winkles turn into smiles instead of frowns. You should not allow shortcomings of others to dehumanise you; they're responsible for their own inhibitions.

23rd

Yesterday I baked Charlie a fruit cake. He likes a slice in the winter. I was initially nervous because I hadn't used this recipe in nine months. Ingredients: 250g of butter, 350g of brown sugar, 1kg of mixed fruit, 550g of self-raising flour, 2 tsp of mixed spice, 1 tsp of baking power and 550ml of water.

Melt butter in a pan, then add water and brown sugar, then stir in mixed fruit. Bring to a boil and simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour into a mixing bowl containing self-raising flour, baking power and mixed spice; stir thoroughly before pouring into a greased baking tin. Place in oven at 160c, bake for two hours.

22nd

Adding a new film to YouTube. Here is the description:

After visiting the Towerhouse Museum and strolling down the main street, Leonie ends the movie by having a pint at the Trinity Bar.

After the first edit, the film lasted forty minutes, and after the second edit, it lasted thirty minutes. It has been on my mind that some people are very sensitive; however, I have tried to keep this film uncensored. As I write this, the lyrics to "Big Mouth Strikes Again" by Chumbawamba are circulating my mind:

Stepford husbands, Stepford wives
With longer scissors, sharper knives
So sugar-sweet, they spend their time
as censors, working overtime.

As we remove the facade, I'm reading John 8:7, from this small village and all I know is guilt for being different, it's always raining stones, every upload is a cause for celebration.

Download.

21st

Which killjoy removed the lovely glow from Quality Street? Scrooge bucket, meagre, dull, awful, not the same, and ruined. You abhor the light, upturning smiles has become the reward, a dull blight upon generations of sanctities, belligerent assholes. Upset, yes.

This morning I recovered my shut down Instagram account after people complained; however @Threads is still shut down as I am yet to recover that account. Incredible that they would try report my Instagram account, Instagram agreed with my appeal, there is nothing offensive at all.

When shadows cusp themselves upon a crescent of selfishness, concealed beyond horizon, awaiting tomorrow's dawn, despise this day's existence.

20th

Charlie and I did some filming in Jedburgh this crisp, bright and sunny morning; I was at this location foremostly to get my B12 injection. Coffee Corner is a lovely small cafe, we ordered and enjoyed hot latte coffee and crispy bacon butties; go there, treat yourself, enjoy.

19th

Happiest birthday to my brother Justin! He'll hate a nice wish more than any insult!⁣ A decade of disregard, as if I were nonexistent.

However, this is your day, Justin.

18th

I'm storyboarding a recap of my Ancrum video this morning. I have numerous intriguing topics to discuss that have been acquired from this village. This discussion film will be put online sometime next week. I had intended to move on from this situation; however, there are pressing matters that must be addressed to ensure the well-being of this small community.

17th

This evening, I put up a short movie about Hawick Museum featuring exhibits of well-known motorcycle riders Steve Hislop and James Guthree.

A lady wearing a black hoodie with the words "TEAM SATAN 666" printed on it was inside the museum.

Which featured a two-headed lamb exhibit.

A weird day, people find me strange, a stranger detested from familiarity, estranged from being known.

15th

We have plans to make another film today.

Charlie has apples, I shall cook him crumble.

14th

Lazy day today, uploaded my Flooding film to YouTube.

In the Scottish Borders, flooding is not an uncommon occurrence.

13th

Upon visiting the Samye Ling Buddhist Center, a film was uploaded to YouTube.

Enjoyed making this film, and my wellbeing benefitted from my visit to this Buddhist temple.

11th

It's been interesting to see which ads have been shown to me since I lost my YouTube premium account this morning. YouTube is an excellent platform, and I've enjoyed posting content there. I was considering taking a bike ride or doing some gardening, but it's raining a lot. Spark plugs are on their way for my Mini Cooper, so I might stay inside and bake a fruit cake instead.

Charlie unwrapped his package, which contained a new pair of Wangler jeans that I had purchased for him. In addition to not liking new things, he is tall and thin, making it difficult to find clothes that fit him well. A 58-year-old farmhand, he puts in significant effort and pushes himself. His clothes should be nice enough that he can wear them to social events. He gives me worth from the near-complete disregard I experienced throughout my life, which makes our time together unique. It appears that individuals are solely concerned with hating and identifying reasons to hate; without Charlie, I would be entirely isolated. Before Charlie, the only person I had contact with was Sam, a housing support worker. While anxiety is being dislodged from a narrative, depression lacks a beginning and an end. Since our relationship has ended, our disengagement has turned into our inherent collectivised insanity.

10th

Our final grass keep film is being produced, as all of our flock has been returned to Woodburn and our tenancy is set to expire on the 28th. We will likely not be returning to the small paddock next year due to the open and closed gate issues that are associated with the telephone call notification access necessary to care for the sheep in this paddock.

Why is it necessary for residents of Ancrum to accelerate on residential streets? Their focus is more on making their kids narcissistic by putting too much pressure on them on the football field than on keeping them safe in the village. The last time I told someone to slow down, they retaliated by speeding past my house. Living here disturbs me.

Without regard for the absence of criminal convictions, Far-Right residents, including a local MSP and her political party, exploit irrational concerns about "the safety of women and children" to demonise and marginalise vulnerable minorities. Their fingers scrolling irrational fears, curtain twitching, pretending that their fantastical, idyllic world was in danger.

East German individuals were frequently targeted by the STASI on a preemptive and preventive basis to restrict or halt the activities of cultural incorrectness that they may have subsequently engaged in. These techniques were intended as a kind of "silent repression" that would dismantle, discredit, and immobilise people behind "a facade of social normalcy."

How many exceptions exist when human rights are classified as a selective privilege? Who are your demons that you're casting out?

9th

All the flock—or what was left of them—returns to Woodburn from the grass keep. A lunatic attempted to force our car off the A698 Jedburgh Road, demonstrating a life-threatening level of desperation, in an attempt to overtake us. Whenever we leave a town and head east, this happens a lot. We were almost chased off the road.

8th

Returned to Wolfcleuch and produced a film about the Waterfall, accompained by Charlie I wore wellies to get through the burns.

Later, I ate and drank at the Hawick Wetherspoon's pub while uploading a video of our walk to Wolfcluech Waterfall.

7th

Charlie took me to Woodburn at first light after I had finished editing and posted two videos to YouTube. Charlie went to work whilst I traversed Craik forest to capture footage of the waterfall in Wolfcleugh. Because it hasn't been taken care of, the path to the waterfall is in terrible shape, with many obstacles like downed trees blocking the way. The forest management is opposed to visitors, as they do not wish for the public to be aware that a significant portion of our land has been transformed into inaccessible darkness. The forest has been depopulated, with the structures being disassembled brick by brick.

The community has been embroiled in a dispute over a private firing range located within the Craik forest. While the community works out ways to get through the forest, the forest is growing into grazing land. Against the wishes of the locals, massive wind turbines and towering pylons cast their shadows across the Borders. Historic mills that were once prosperous are demolished after years of dilapidation. Our industry was outsourced to a location that was incapable of providing sustenance. Farmers burn their wool because it is not worth the diesel to transport and the wool board will pay almost nothing.

Politicians talk over us while wearing expensive wool clothes; the hotel business she runs is failing, so she tells us how great the wool board is.

6th

Charlie stated that the mother ewe's condition has deteriorated and that it takes time to improve with injections. After twelve hours of trying to alleviate the lambs' suffering, I was in tears yesterday. Charlie had returned home from a ten-hour workday to a display of misery, and we were both exhausted. I conversed briefly with my friend about the Ancrum bonfire; the silver lining of our challenges today was that we refrained from attending the bonfire this year, as animosity would have served as an additional layer of misery. Remarkable that nobody was held to account for the fireworks display a few years ago.

Following an hour of discussion, we mutually consented to the euthanasia of the mother ewe and lamb; it would be cruel to continue to sustain them. Both are paddling through the later, final stage of CNN, and the medication prescribed by the veterinarians is not yielding favorable results. Life has tough choices.

The knacker man came and bolted the mother ewe and her lamb. I was glad that they were no longer in pain. He claimed that he was unaware of any sheep recovering from CNN. We drove to Hawick and purchased lick buckets and ewe pellets before Charlie shopped at the supermarket.

There were cases of cade lambs in the Scottish Borders not getting enough selenium, but they got better. This CNN, Cerebrocortical Necrosis is a awful disease, our objective now will be to focus on delivering B1 supplements to the flock, especially as they are now in lamb.

5th

Twelve hours have passed since the lamb and mother ewe's injection, and they are feeling even worse this morning. Charlie called the veterinarian and returned to the farmhouse with injections of antibiotic and steroids. The little lamb has nearly lost her balance, and he declared that it is now a matter of life or death after administering the medication.

I am observing her to ensure that she is sitting upright; she is currently leaning on the poly tunnel central feeder. Two ewes were driven into the poly tunnel from the paddock by placing the tup inside the ring feeder; the tup followed with guidance from a wooden hurdle. On the paddock, there are just three ewes; they arrive soon.

4th

Updating this here blog, plan to make another film today. We started the day by checking on the sheep at our grasskeep to make sure they were safe. Everything was fine. After Charlie hooked up the trailer, we went shopping and got two small square bales of straw and a bale of haylage.

We returned to Woodburn and relocated as many sheep as we could from the paddock to the polytunnel. We then saw that one of the lambs had gotten lost and was walking around in a circle. The ewe that was her mother had her neck lowered and was leaning slightly to the right.

Charlie, who was apprehensive, contacted the veterinarian, who responded within an hour to undertake an investigation. The mother ewe and lamb were diagnosed with two cases of CCN (thiamine (Vitamin B1) deficiency), and injections were administered. We were worried about Gid.

3rd

After sequencing,rendering and uploading my Talla film. I was compelled to edit and reupload my Moffat film after I discovered my microphone had detached..

I walked from Jedburgh to Ancrum through Jedforest.

When I got home to Ancrum, I saw that an Amazon package had brought me a book by James Hogg.

2nd

We made the trip to Moffat Mill to buy Charlie a new hat.

Since Mare's Tail was moving quickly, I used the 2x optical zoom on my iPhone 16 to its fullest.

Your photographs are a testament to the unique moments in your life that you have captured. Protect yourself from exploitation by consensually exhibiting them on your own platform. People who hate me and think I'm worthless have no right to use my experiences to support their own.

After purchasing a hat for Charlie, we dined at a high-street restaurant named Hugo's, where we were disseminated by Motown music. The food was satisfactory, but the patrons were unpleasant. We were relieved to depart after one deranged and somewhat troubled customer declared that I stank and indicated his sadistic desire to hose me down. If he thought he could get away with it, he would probably power wash my flesh off. Homeless, I was so thoroughly terrorised by individuals of his calibre that I was unable to maintain my well-being.

On the way back to Ancrum, we stopped at Talla Resivior to take some pictures.

We were pressed for time as Charlie had cattle to feed. He enjoys his job, and I think it's good for his health for him to do it in moderation.

After returning to Ancrum, I processed my footage, rendered it, and uploaded it to YouTube.

1st

We travelled five miles to the Jedburgh Morrisons post office to replenish my electric and gas supplies. However, the cashier alleged that she was unaware of how to operate the Payzone machine. Subsequently, we travelled fifteen miles to St. Boswells, where we successfully acquired electric and gas supplies. All this to push my hand into self censoring my Ancrum film from my YouTube channel. If we didn't have transportation, we ultimately would have been cut off from topping up our gas / electricity supply. Lights are turned off?

Hot Fuzz mentality refers to the idea that a community's peace and perfection are more important than individual freedoms or due process, justifying any means necessary to preserve the status quo. It is the philosophy of the fictional village of Sandford, which secretly murders anyone who threatens to disrupt its idyllic image. While looking for a psychological explanation, I found Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD); described as an intense emotional and physical pain in response to real or perceived rejection, criticism, or failure.

The American Psychiatric Association (the largest psychiatric organisation in the world) taxonomic and diagnostic tool DSM-5 doesn't list Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria as a diagnosis. Unlike RSD I suffer from eBPD, a life-long side effect from being raised by a single parent, paranoid schzophrenic mother; understand my childhood, know what a terrible upbringing is.