2021

December

4th

My new / used camera, A Sony DSLR, although over a decade old and not full frame but this camera has a very low shutter count.

Sony Alpha DSLR camera with a large lens attached and a lens hood. The camera is positioned on a light-brown wooden surface. A small black device (possibly a wireless transmitter) is attached to the camera's hot shoe. In the background, a computer monitor displays code. The overall impression is that of a photographer's workspace or setup, possibly involved in some form of digital photography and/or post-processing workflow judging by the visible code. There is no discernible narrative or deeper moral message beyond a straightforward depiction of photographic equipment.

I purchased a 300mm lense from ebay for a mere £50. I am planning on taking pictures of wildlife.

1st

This month has got off to a heavy start, so I am going to post some pictures I took with my new camera last month.

Single, fully bloomed yellow daisy-like flower with some small dark spots on its petals. It is in sharp focus, while the background is softly blurred, showcasing a muted grey-green foliage. A closed bud of the same flower is visible behind and slightly to the right of the main bloom.
Close-up of a canna lily flower. The focus is on the flower's vibrant orange petals, which are partially open, revealing the dark purple buds underneath. The background is softly blurred, showing a tree and a building under a partly cloudy sky. The lighting suggests it's likely taken outdoors in natural light. The overall impression is one of natural beauty and delicate contrast between the bright orange and dark purple hues.
Close-up of a plant with vibrant green leaves and clusters of bright red berries. The berries are clustered together on reddish-brown stems, which branch out from the main stem of the plant. The leaves are large, elongated, and somewhat glossy, suggesting a healthy and thriving plant. The focus is sharp on the berries and the immediate stems, with the background and surrounding leaves softly blurred, drawing attention to the central detail of the red berries.
Close-up view of eucalyptus leaves and branches against a blurred background of more eucalyptus trees and a bright blue sky. The focus is on the vibrant green of the leaves in the foreground, contrasting with the brownish-gold hues of the tree trunks and branches in the background. The overall impression is one of natural beauty and the texture of the eucalyptus tree.
Close-up of a canna lily flower. The vibrant orange petals are the focal point, contrasting against the deep purplish-red bracts and some dried, brown remnants of older blooms. The background is blurred, showing a green lawn and out-of-focus trees, suggesting a garden setting. A partially visible, out-of-focus, reddish-brown curved object is in the foreground to the left, adding a layer of mystery. The overall impression is one of natural beauty, partially showing the cycle of growth and decay within nature.
Detailed close-up view of the intricate branches and leaves of a eucalyptus tree. The branches are thick, gnarled, and twist in complex patterns, some appearing almost peeled or layered. The leaves are a muted green, hanging down in clusters. The background consists of more trees and foliage, creating a dense, wooded atmosphere. The overall impression is one of age, texture, and the wild, untamed nature of the forest.
Close-up view of a dried artichoke flower head. The once-vibrant purple bracts have turned brown and withered, while the fluffy, pale-beige pappus (the seed head) remains prominently displayed, creating a textural contrast. The stem is also dry and brown. The background is blurred, suggesting a shallow depth of field, focusing attention on the dried flower.
Ground cover of brown, dried-out leaves interspersed with small, vibrant green plants. The leaves appear to be from deciduous trees, showing the characteristic veining and texture of fallen autumn leaves. The contrast between the dead leaves and the living green plants suggests a transition between seasons or the persistence of life amidst decay.

The mid range DSLR camera I purchased 2nd hand is over eight years old, but has only taken four thousand pictures, I gather the life span of this camera is estimated between 200,000 to 500,000 pictures, so I guess the camera was a bargin at £120 and an additional £50 for a 2nd hand 70-300mm zoom lens.

November

28th

Took some photographs today whilst riding around Boscawen Park.

Rusty, old barge docked next to a large pile of scrap metal. Behind the barge and scrap pile are several trucks, containers, and industrial-sized machinery, suggesting a scrap yard or recycling facility located on a waterway. The overall impression is one of industrial decay and the accumulation of discarded materials.

Yes, I associate Truro cathedral as a ship wreck.

Truro Cathedral in Cornwall, England, as seen from across a body of water. The cathedral is prominent in the mid-ground, its tall spires and stonework visible against a muted, overcast sky. In the foreground, there's calm water, a few birds, and a small boat. The immediate foreground shows the calm water reflecting the sky. Buildings and trees are visible in the background, along the shore. The overall mood is tranquil and slightly sombre due to the grey sky.

Talked to an isolated man, originally from Birkenhead, living in Truro working away from home in Falmouth.

September

19th

Check out this guy I observed performing a grinding stunt on his BMX in Truro today.

These guys were really friendly, they asked me if I wanted to grind, but I had no hub protectors on my BMX.

4th

Today I discovered Mary Phagan had the same pendant that I have been wearing for years!

Leonie's hand holding a silver necklace with a round, iridescent pendant. Behind the hand and necklace is a black and white photograph of a young woman, possibly a teenager, in what appears to be period clothing. The photo's quality is somewhat low, and part of the image is obscured by the hand. A caption at the bottom of the photo partially visible, suggesting a story or context related to the girl in the photo. The overall impression is one of juxtaposition, of a modern hand holding an object possibly connected to the historical image of the young woman.

She was murdered by Leo Frank, head of Atlanta’s B’nai B’rith.

1st

Check out the digital art I made of Adele.

Leonie with blonde hair wearing a red floral headband and a red floral top, reaching out to touch a framed picture on a white wall. The picture depicts a woman with an eye replacing her forehead, creating a surreal and slightly unsettling effect. The woman in the photograph appears serene despite the unusual feature. The overall scene suggests a personal reflection or artistic appreciation of the surreal artwork.
Leonie's hands forming a triangle shape around a framed picture of a woman. The woman in the picture appears to have a third eye in the centre of her forehead. The overall composition gives a mystical or surreal feel. The person's clothing and the items visible on the desk in the background suggest a setting related to spirituality or esoteric practices.

As a nobody I name her Polyphemus, the cyclops.

July

26th

Today, I'm going to publish yesterday (25/7/2021) pictures of Godrevy:

Tranquil coastal scene. From a slightly elevated vantage point, a rocky shoreline descends towards a calm sea sparkling in the sunlight. In the distance, a hazy landmass is visible on the horizon. The overall mood is peaceful and serene.
Tranquil coastal scene on a sunny day. A calm, teal-coloured sea laps gently at a sandy beach, which curves gently around a rocky headland. In the distance, a small island with a lighthouse is visible. The cliffs are a mix of greyish-brown rock and reddish-brown earth, showing signs of erosion. The overall impression is one of serenity and natural beauty. A few people are visible on the beach, giving a sense of scale.

The beaches were safe, white, and clean, for a moment, it felt as if we were safe.

1st

Today I return to Cornwall, I am relieved to be leaving hospital after major surgery.

Leonie with shoulder-length reddish-blonde hair wearing a dark blue knitted hat and a red floral dress. She's also wearing a silver necklace with a circular pendant and is standing in what appears to be a hospital room. Part of a hospital bed and bedside table are visible in the background; a glass of water and a small stuffed animal are on the table. Her expression is serious and slightly sombre. The lighting and overall setting suggest a potentially contemplative or reflective mood, possibly related to a hospital stay or illness.

With NO following post-operative complications.

June

30th

English nurse from Yorkshire was very rude to me today; I'm nervous and with a sense of urgency wanting to leave the hospital, sister nurse came in and defused anxiety enough for me to relax back into my bed.

Plate of food containing a portion of white rice and a chickpea curry. The curry appears to include carrots or sweet potatoes and peas, and is a reddish-orange color indicative of a tomato-based sauce. The food is served on a white plate, which rests on a larger, possibly metallic, tray. A small container, possibly yogurt or a similar condiment, is visible in the background. The setting appears to be a hospital or medical facility, judging by the background elements.

During my last days at the hospital, I made heart-warming rapport with a Chinese nurse named Claire who expressed sincerity toward me. Observing her professionalism, I could see she really enjoyed her job as a nurse.

29th

Relaxing in my hospital bed listening to audiobook: Mao's Great Famine by Frank Dikotter, narrated by David Bauckham.

Screenshot of a digital audio player displaying an audio book of Frank Dikotter's Mao's Great Famine. The cover art of the audiobook is prominently featured, showing a dramatic red image likely depicting the suffering during the famine. The player interface indicates the audio book is currently paused, approximately 22 minutes and 53 seconds into a 30-minute track. The playlist shows multiple instances of the same audiobook, suggesting perhaps a chapter breakdown or repeat play. The overall impression is one of focusing on the historical account of a significant and tragic event.

History of absolute wickedness, an entire nation boiling in corruption, tyranny, terror and famine. 45 million dead in just 4 years.

28th

Next door to the hospital, overlooking my room window is a creepy cold building, bone fingered nuns haunt the premises, glaring through curtain twitched windows; I heard the Pope also stays in the ghoolish building when visiting London.

View from a window. The foreground is dominated by a crumpled white or light-grey fabric, possibly a sheet or garment. The background reveals an exterior scene, focusing on the back of a building with a brick wall on the left and a light-grey building with several windows on the right. The grey building has a pitched roof covered in dark grey slate tiles. Parts of other buildings and some greenery are also visible in the background. The overall impression is of an urban setting viewed from inside a building.

I'm sure you'd agree, very creepy.

27th

Set menu is delicious, I have eaten so much food. The two ward cooks are awesome, one is Tamil, the other is Italian, both are male and pull warming smiles.

Hospital meal tray containing a partially eaten bowl of creamy soup, a small bowl of salad, a small bowl of fruit, and a piece of salmon. The tray is on a wooden table next to a bedside cabinet. The overall impression is one of a hospital room and a patient's simple yet somewhat unappetising meal. The partially consumed food suggests that the patient may not have a strong appetite.

The cook looked at me sometimes after placing the food on my bed tray, and sympathised with the feat before me… not so happy about the bruising on my left arm though.

Leonie's forearm with several bruises and what appear to be needle marks. The arm also has a hospital identification wristband. The overall impression is one of recent medical treatment or injury.

Really becoming tired of Cannulas, today removed from my arm, I am happier. The red band is to warn nurses and doctors that I have allergies.

26th

It's a strange feeling going through such a gruelling operation knowing that nobody cares about you, that if anybody knew outside of the hospital that, I was here they would almost certainly be praying me dead.

Close-up of Leonie's arm in a hospital bed, with an intravenous (IV) line inserted. Her arm is bandaged, and a hospital identification bracelet is visible. The overall impression is one of medical treatment and possible illness or injury.

My lungs were not reactive enough with my heart rate, I was told to take deeper breaths to expel stagnated gas from anaesthetic laying dormant deep within my lungs.

25th

I woke at 3:00am, despite phoning, my lift arrived late at 4:10am as the driver had accidentally returned to his sleep. The van broke down on the A30 near Bodmin Moor, first one of the windscreen wipers failed, then the engine refused to start for ten long minutes. The van misfired for another fifty miles, but seemed to run OK after we landed upon the A303 just after Exeter. Further along the road, I got to take a picture of Stonehenge!

Stonehenge in the distance, on a cloudy day. The foreground is a field of grass with a wire fence. The overall mood is muted and somewhat sombre due to the overcast sky and the distant view of the monument.

I arrived on time (9:30am) at a private hospital in Wimbledon. I was directed to the side of the building, a suited masked man presented at the door, he asked some questions regarding COVID-19 before opening the door and letting me through to a seated area. I filled out a questionnaire and waited, five minutes later I was taken to the hospital ward and walked into my room. It felt similar to a room in a standard Hilton hotel, but medical.

Sparsely furnished hospital room. The room contains a bed with white linens, a small television mounted on the wall, a wooden wardrobe, a small bedside table with a safe, a chair, a small writing desk with papers and a remote, and another small wooden cabinet. The overall impression is one of clean, functional simplicity. The window is covered by a dark blue blind, and sunlight is visible through the blind and window panes.

There was some doubt over my admission, I had not received my results from the COVID-19 PCR test that I had taken three days ago. A nurse came in with a lateral flow test, swabbed my none and mouth, then I waited an hour and a half for her to return and tell me the result was negative. I then got undressed and into a gown and quietly prepared myself for surgery. I was called to the operating theatre about an hour behind schedule; I walked there carrying a pillow. As I was quickly prepped for surgery I met my anaesthetist, he inserted a cannula into my left arm. He then attached a huge syringe full of white liquid before instructing me to count down from ten, by the number three counts I was out. The operation lasted four and a half hours, I woke without tubes but felt extremely high, I spoke plenty of gibberish before and as I was being wheeled back to the ward. I felt no pain whatsoever and drifted in and out of sleep for about two hours. I was given a morphine pump, which started bleeping weird noises.

Nurses were Italian, Spanish, Chinese, and African, they were all caring, attentive and informative. My consultant surgeon arrived and told me my operation was a success and was without any complications. After a sigh of relief, I calmly drifted back off to sleep, a long, drawn out day over.

23rd

I've been thinking about a few things, firstly about a reversal of the panopticon, instead of everybody being made to feel they are being watched all the time by one person that victim is made to feel they are being watched all the time by everybody. Now I am theorising a containment, group coercion reinforcing captive mentality, simulating reoccurrences, an invisible street theatre of antics to manipulate the mind into an assertion projection to manipulate consensus. This could be surrounded by Rotundra of everybody's rotating to confuse and incapacitate definition, blurring every indifferent rationality out of focus. This could also be used to program the victim as the subconsciousness fights for recognition, fixating on segments that are performing sequences of a unified script, not dissimilar to an animation flipbook, each page/segment exploiting key aspects of the conscious mind against the subconscious mind.

As a liberated victim of this mind control I have evolved in awareness (through hyperarousal) of these manipulations happening to me in the streets, at first, I thought of these projections as games, a kind of objectification panopticon where rules are undefined to the one person but known to everybody. To make a group of people everybody contrast is turned up onto everybody through cultural enrichment, objectives are trauma anchored onto emblems to control the person liberating their focus and moving away from the containment of everybody. Obscuring defining moments, keeping the person focused on the rotating pendulum of everybody. The smaller everybody could theoretically take the place of the person and be surrounded by a more significant and larger everybody, but ultimately interchanging segments of everybody is key to manipulating the victim. To simplify, what I am explaining here is a Necronomicon, a reanimation of the walking dead who now only present to preprogrammed responses of cause and effect.

If we are going to defeat the INGSOC 1984 socialist paradigm we must listen and observe the superimposed imposition of our psyche, this form of societal conditioning relies heavily on selflessness and most likely draws from the conceptual Dharma of Buddhism. The narrative is also an important factor, threading passing responses together, a never-ending story sustaining the motion of this cause and effect continuum morphing and redefining self. We must begin to understand the workings of alienation of the dialectical Marxist lexicon; if the sense of self is lost, there will never be any self-fulfilling purpose and any sense of worth will become solely a matter of distribution of those who control the state. People will do anything to avoid being thrown into a pit of emptiness, and thus I consider this a defining factor of this everybody groups conformity when observing the processes of conditioning captivation in redefining reanimate compartmentalisation.

20th

Woken feeling unwell, but I tried not to place emphasis on the pain and let inhibition and anxiety hinder my projection today. With a friend (Koala) and his two sons, we loaded his van with our bicycles and I travelled to Mên-an-Tol.

Selfie of Leonie wearing a purple and pink knitted hat and a red floral dress under a light gray zip-up jacket. She is standing in front of a large, ring-shaped stone structure, which appears to be outdoors in a grassy area. The sky is cloudy and the overall mood conveys a sense of peaceful discovery or exploration. Leonie's expression is calm and pleasant, suggesting a positive experience at the site.
Stone circle, possibly a Neolithic or Bronze Age monument, set in a grassy field under a cloudy sky. The most prominent feature is a large, horizontally-placed stone with a roughly circular hole in its center. Other standing stones of varying heights are also visible within the circle. Two bicycles are casually leant against some of the stones in the background, suggesting a contemporary setting despite the ancient nature of the stones. The overall impression is one of peaceful ancient history juxtaposed against modern leisure.

On arrival, there were no people at the sight, leaving us to resonate with the stones for at least ten minutes before others came.

Landscape with several standing stones, possibly part of a Neolithic or Bronze Age monument. One stone is shaped like a ring. The stones are set in short, grassy terrain, and a distant structure (possibly a tower or building) is visible on the horizon. The overall impression is one of ancient history and a somewhat desolate, yet peaceful, setting.

I struggled through malaise during two thirds of the day, but the final third of the day I felt my body beginning to regain much required reinvigoration. We arrived at Cape Cornwall during sunset, after my friend (Karen) told me a story about the area.

Coastal scene, likely in a region with a temperate climate. The foreground is composed of a rocky shoreline with low-lying vegetation and a partially visible stone wall. The mid-ground features a rocky beach extending into calm, grey-green water, with a small wave breaking near the shore. The background displays a verdant, hilly coastline leading up to a higher point with what may be some ruins or an old structure. A small, white building is visible on the upper right of the hill. The overall mood is serene and somewhat muted, due to the overcast sky.

I truly knew the fate of my people who dared to live, their dwelling of ancestral praxis was pushed off the edge of this cliff.

19th

Today I have been very unwell, woken up this morning vomiting blood, and was taken to hospital by ambulance, I have to go back if bleeding continues, and they are going to contact me to do an Upper GI endoscopy on me to find out what is wrong. So today I am taking a much-needed rest, last night was hectic.

Close-up of Leonie's arm in a hospital setting. A cannula is visible, taped to the arm, along with a hospital identification band. The band indicates the patient's name (Leonie Blaire-Cooper) and hospital information. The background is blurred but shows a typical hospital environment. The overall impression is one of medical treatment or hospitalisation.

The hospital looked after me and was very professional with their care. I was very anxious and did not want to hang around for long, I kept asking to leave, refused to have an x-ray, and also a COVID-19 swab but despite this hospital staff was still respectful towards me. Diagnosis: Haematemesis, upper gastrointestinal haemorrhage. My ALT was high at 135.

Close-up view of a toilet bowl. A significant amount of blood is present in the bowl, splattered around the drain.
Ace of Spades

So much blood came up from my stomach in the morning. The walk back from the hospital was pleasant but seemed drawn out, when I got back I went straight to sleep, felt as though my life had been ripped out of me. I swear I was given a dodgy drink last night in the central bar whilst drinking with the Peter Popoff doppelganger!

They looked surprised when I stated had no next of kin.

16th

So awesome to find a white and pink foxglove in my garden this morning :)

Close-up of a foxglove flower (Digitalis) with off-white petals speckled with deep purple spots. The flowers are covered in water droplets, suggesting recent rain. The plant is surrounded by other greenery in a garden setting. The background is slightly blurred but shows additional plants and a dark metal structure.

My flat is directly above this flower, on the first floor.

10th

Today I fixed my Vollaphone after days of wrangling between Ubuntu Touch and Sailfish, both mobile OS's nowhere near developed as VollaOS which I managed to reinstall after much tumbling around with UBports.

April

30th

Earlier today, I took my BMX on a ride to the park and took some pictures.

Leonie lying on the grass in a park. She's wearing a pink jacket and a blue hat, and has reddish-blonde hair. She is looking directly at the camera. Behind her, a bicycle is resting on the grass, and there are trees and some indistinct figures in the background suggesting other people are present in the park. The overall impression is one of relaxed contentment in a peaceful outdoor setting.

When I look in the mirror at my ageing face, I ask the reflection: “who sucked the life out of you”.

28th

This is the 20th pot from the spider plant in my corridor, how fantastic is this?

Row of spider plants (Chlorophytum comosum) of varying sizes in terracotta pots sitting on a windowsill. The largest plant is at the back, with progressively smaller plants in front of it. The plants are in good condition and show off their characteristic long, striped leaves. The window behind offers a view of a somewhat overcast outdoor scene. The overall impression is one of simple, domestic tranquillity.

Travelling on a desolate, lonely road for years on end I was never able to grow plants but now here we are, how totally awesome!

25th

Tired but not out.

Close-up of a fair-skinned Leonie lying down, possibly resting or sleeping. They are wearing a red floral-print top and a multicoloured knitted hat. Their expression appears somewhat pensive or melancholic. The background features a patterned blanket or throw. The overall mood is quiet and introspective.

Yet!

February

12th

Leaflet bombed early this morning, twenty or so unwanted rainbow 'prayer' leaflets from a baptist church sprawled in a line covering the exact width of my flat and found nowhere else on the floor within the entire neighbourhood. I shall be posting the church a cease and desist notice on Monday.

Section of overgrown shrubbery bordering a roadway. A concrete curb separates the vegetation from the asphalt. Small, possibly discarded, colourful items are visible near the base of the bushes. The overall impression is of a somewhat neglected or untended area.
Card lying on the ground amidst fallen leaves and twigs. The card is a dark blue-purple, features a rainbow arc, and contains a message from Truro Baptist Church. The message states that the church is praying a blessing of hope, joy, and peace for the recipient and their household. It also invites people to request specific prayers through their website or by leaving a phone message. The overall feeling is one of offering comfort, support, and spiritual outreach. The card's placement on the ground suggests a random act of kindness or a broader community outreach initiative.

Brings back disturbed memories when I was ritually abused every Sunday by bread breaking "strangers" in 2013 whilst I occupied a ground floor flat in my birth town of Loughborough, Leicestershire. Systematic abuses were so disturbing that I left the entire county to go live in Nottingham.

4th

Through victimisation arrived to learn dehumanisation as:

That's just some of it, think about what I've written if you heart burns with anger.

3rd

I often ride my BMX up to twenty miles over the rolling hills of Kernow, the exercise lifts my spirit. I often describe riding my BMX as flying, soaring through freezing rain, the cold chill of persistent Atlantic downpour uplifting towards milder days of unblemished golden sunshine reflected as night from pale moonlight.

I rode many more miles after leaving the woodland, as coldness penetrated through hunger I set the direction to turn in for the night. It took an hour to wash off all the accumulated mud from my BMX, clothes and body!

January

31st

My lemon trees are still growing through the low-level light of a freezing rain grey cloud of a dampening Kernow winter. I have grown these two trees from organic seed, slow-growing due to me not wanting to use artificial lighting, but should bear fruit in a couple of years!

I had two other surplus lemon trees I had grown which I gave away to friends, these other trees, from the same lemon are not only doing very well but also growing a lot faster than mine are!

24th

Pictures from my twelve-hour, twenty-mile BMX ride yesterday; this may not seem a great distance to some readers but considering I had no gears and twenty-inch wheels I'd say the journey, partly over rough terrain, was substantial. I see such ascetic with my homeland and feel such wonder and awe at the natural world; so why do these journeys feel as an erosion upon my besieged estranged and obscured life, returning indoors smothered and voided with inconsolable loss? As if my soul is torn apart and mutilated.

I recognised part of the route from my April 2020 walk from Falmouth to Truro, being in the vicinity shortly before I was emergency sheltered (by Cornwall Council at Monkey Tree Caravan Park, Goonhaven near Newquay) after months of wandering the streets displaced during the initial outbreak of Coronavirus (COVID-19).

As the sun lowered the wind chill of the air rushing past my body rouse to freeze me, numbing my observations which seem to be voiding, infrequently, into nothing, but I guess this part of dissociation and not just because my brain is slowing down because of the cold.

16th

Today I rode eight miles on my BMX

through very muddy woodland.

15th

Another accident has appeared.

I have no idea when or how; this I have read is a common side effect of complex PTSD, but who cares? And who is nobody?

7th

I ride my BMX at least every other day the right kind of exercise is essential.

Both for mental and physical health.