2021

December

4th

A Sony DSLR, which is both new and used, has a very low shutter count despite being over ten years old and not full frame.

Sony Alpha DSLR camera with a large lens attached and a lens hood. The camera is positioned on a light-brown wooden surface. A small black device (possibly a wireless transmitter) is attached to the camera's hot shoe. In the background, a computer monitor displays code. The overall impression is that of a photographer's workspace or setup, possibly involved in some form of digital photography and/or post-processing workflow judging by the visible code. There is no discernible narrative or deeper moral message beyond a straightforward depiction of photographic equipment.

I bought a 300mm lens on eBay for just £50. I am contemplating the capture of wildlife photographs.

1st

Since this month is off to a great start, I'll share some photos I took last month with my new camera.

Single, fully bloomed yellow daisy-like flower with some small dark spots on its petals. It is in sharp focus, while the background is softly blurred, showcasing a muted grey-green foliage. A closed bud of the same flower is visible behind and slightly to the right of the main bloom.
Close-up of a canna lily flower. The focus is on the flower's vibrant orange petals, which are partially open, revealing the dark purple buds underneath. The background is softly blurred, showing a tree and a building under a partly cloudy sky. The lighting suggests it's likely taken outdoors in natural light. The overall impression is one of natural beauty and delicate contrast between the bright orange and dark purple hues.
Close-up of a plant with vibrant green leaves and clusters of bright red berries. The berries are clustered together on reddish-brown stems, which branch out from the main stem of the plant. The leaves are large, elongated, and somewhat glossy, suggesting a healthy and thriving plant. The focus is sharp on the berries and the immediate stems, with the background and surrounding leaves softly blurred, drawing attention to the central detail of the red berries.
Close-up view of eucalyptus leaves and branches against a blurred background of more eucalyptus trees and a bright blue sky. The focus is on the vibrant green of the leaves in the foreground, contrasting with the brownish-gold hues of the tree trunks and branches in the background. The overall impression is one of natural beauty and the texture of the eucalyptus tree.
Close-up of a canna lily flower. The vibrant orange petals are the focal point, contrasting against the deep purplish-red bracts and some dried, brown remnants of older blooms. The background is blurred, showing a green lawn and out-of-focus trees, suggesting a garden setting. A partially visible, out-of-focus, reddish-brown curved object is in the foreground to the left, adding a layer of mystery. The overall impression is one of natural beauty, partially showing the cycle of growth and decay within nature.
Detailed close-up view of the intricate branches and leaves of a eucalyptus tree. The branches are thick, gnarled, and twist in complex patterns, some appearing almost peeled or layered. The leaves are a muted green, hanging down in clusters. The background consists of more trees and foliage, creating a dense, wooded atmosphere. The overall impression is one of age, texture, and the wild, untamed nature of the forest.
Close-up view of a dried artichoke flower head. The once-vibrant purple bracts have turned brown and withered, while the fluffy, pale-beige pappus (the seed head) remains prominently displayed, creating a textural contrast. The stem is also dry and brown. The background is blurred, suggesting a shallow depth of field, focusing attention on the dried flower.
Ground cover of brown, dried-out leaves interspersed with small, vibrant green plants. The leaves appear to be from deciduous trees, showing the characteristic veining and texture of fallen autumn leaves. The contrast between the dead leaves and the living green plants suggests a transition between seasons or the persistence of life amidst decay.

The mid-range DSLR camera that I bought used is more than eight years old, but it has only taken 4,000 photos. Based on what I've read, its lifespan is between 200,000 and 500,000 photos, so I suppose the camera was a bargain at £120 plus an extra £50 for a used 70-300mm zoom lens.

November

28th

I took some photographs today while riding through Boscawen Park.

Rusty, old barge docked next to a large pile of scrap metal. Behind the barge and scrap pile are several trucks, containers, and industrial-sized machinery, suggesting a scrap yard or recycling facility located on a waterway. The overall impression is one of industrial decay and the accumulation of discarded materials.

I associate the Truro Cathedral with a shipwreck.

Truro Cathedral in Cornwall, England, as seen from across a body of water. The cathedral is prominent in the mid-ground, its tall spires and stonework visible against a muted, overcast sky. In the foreground, there's calm water, a few birds, and a small boat. The immediate foreground shows the calm water reflecting the sky. Buildings and trees are visible in the background, along the shore. The overall mood is tranquil and slightly sombre due to the grey sky.

I met a reclusive man from Birkenhead who lived in Truro and worked away from home in Falmouth.

September

19th

Watch out for this guy I saw today in Truro doing a grinding trick on his BMX.

These guys were really nice, and even though I didn't have hub protectors on my BMX, they asked if I wanted to grind.

4th

I found out that Mary Phagan owned the pendant I've been wearing for years! ⁣

Leonie's hand holding a silver necklace with a round, iridescent pendant. Behind the hand and necklace is a black and white photograph of a young woman, possibly a teenager, in what appears to be period clothing. The photo's quality is somewhat low, and part of the image is obscured by the hand. A caption at the bottom of the photo partially visible, suggesting a story or context related to the girl in the photo. The overall impression is one of juxtaposition, of a modern hand holding an object possibly connected to the historical image of the young woman.

She was killed by Leo Frank, who was the leader of Atlanta's B'nai B'rith.

1st

Review the digital artwork that I created of Adele.

Leonie with blonde hair wearing a red floral headband and a red floral top, reaching out to touch a framed picture on a white wall. The picture depicts a woman with an eye replacing her forehead, creating a surreal and slightly unsettling effect. The woman in the photograph appears serene despite the unusual feature. The overall scene suggests a personal reflection or artistic appreciation of the surreal artwork.
Leonie's hands forming a triangle shape around a framed picture of a woman. The woman in the picture appears to have a third eye in the centre of her forehead. The overall composition gives a mystical or surreal feel. The person's clothing and the items visible on the desk in the background suggest a setting related to spirituality or esoteric practices.

Someone I call Polyphemus, the Cyclops.

July

26th

Today, I will share the photos of Godrevy from yesterday, July 25, 2021:

Tranquil coastal scene. From a slightly elevated vantage point, a rocky shoreline descends towards a calm sea sparkling in the sunlight. In the distance, a hazy landmass is visible on the horizon. The overall mood is peaceful and serene.
Tranquil coastal scene on a sunny day. A calm, teal-coloured sea laps gently at a sandy beach, which curves gently around a rocky headland. In the distance, a small island with a lighthouse is visible. The cliffs are a mix of greyish-brown rock and reddish-brown earth, showing signs of erosion. The overall impression is one of serenity and natural beauty. A few people are visible on the beach, giving a sense of scale.

For a moment, we thought we were safe because the beaches were clean, white, and safe.

1st

The day I leave the hospital following major surgery, I am relieved to be going back to Cornwall. ⁣

Leonie with shoulder-length reddish-blonde hair wearing a dark blue knitted hat and a red floral dress. She's also wearing a silver necklace with a circular pendant and is standing in what appears to be a hospital room. Part of a hospital bed and bedside table are visible in the background; a glass of water and a small stuffed animal are on the table. Her expression is serious and slightly sombre. The lighting and overall setting suggest a potentially contemplative or reflective mood, possibly related to a hospital stay or illness.

With NO following post-operative complications.

June

30th

I was treated unkindly by the English nurse from Yorkshire today. I was feeling anxious and wanted to leave the hospital, but the sister nurse intervened and alleviated my anxiety sufficiently to allow me to return to my bed.

Plate of food containing a portion of white rice and a chickpea curry. The curry appears to include carrots or sweet potatoes and peas, and is a reddish-orange color indicative of a tomato-based sauce. The food is served on a white plate, which rests on a larger, possibly metallic, tray. A small container, possibly yogurt or a similar condiment, is visible in the background. The setting appears to be a hospital or medical facility, judging by the background elements.

In my last days at the hospital, I became friendly with Claire, a Chinese nurse, who treated me with kindness. I could see she truly loved her work as a nurse, despite her professionalism.

29th

I am relaxing in my hospital bed while listening to David Bauckham read Frank Dikotter's Mao's Great Famine.

Screenshot of a digital audio player displaying an audio book of Frank Dikotter's Mao's Great Famine. The cover art of the audiobook is prominently featured, showing a dramatic red image likely depicting the suffering during the famine. The player interface indicates the audio book is currently paused, approximately 22 minutes and 53 seconds into a 30-minute track. The playlist shows multiple instances of the same audiobook, suggesting perhaps a chapter breakdown or repeat play. The overall impression is one of focusing on the historical account of a significant and tragic event.

An account of utter wickedness, in which an entire nation is engulfed in corruption, tyranny, terror, and famine. 45 million people died in just 4 years.

28th

I have heard that the Pope also stays in the ghoulish building when visiting London. The building is located adjacent to the hospital and is visible from my room window. Bone-fingered nuns prowl the premises, glaring through curtain-twitched windows.

View from a window. The foreground is dominated by a crumpled white or light-grey fabric, possibly a sheet or garment. The background reveals an exterior scene, focusing on the back of a building with a brick wall on the left and a light-grey building with several windows on the right. The grey building has a pitched roof covered in dark grey slate tiles. Parts of other buildings and some greenery are also visible in the background. The overall impression is of an urban setting viewed from inside a building.

Really eerie, I'm sure you'd agree.

27th

The menu looks great, and I've already eaten a lot. Both the Italian and Tamil ward cooks are fantastic; they both have warm smiles.

Hospital meal tray containing a partially eaten bowl of creamy soup, a small bowl of salad, a small bowl of fruit, and a piece of salmon. The tray is on a wooden table next to a bedside cabinet. The overall impression is one of a hospital room and a patient's simple yet somewhat unappetising meal. The partially consumed food suggests that the patient may not have a strong appetite.

The chef occasionally glanced at me after setting the food on my bed tray and expressed sympathy for the accomplishment ahead of me. I'm not thrilled about the bruises on my left arm.

Leonie's forearm with several bruises and what appear to be needle marks. The arm also has a hospital identification wristband. The overall impression is one of recent medical treatment or injury.

I'm getting really sick of cannulas, and now that they're off my arm, I feel better. The red band serves as a notification to nurses and physicians that I have allergies.

26th

It is an unusual sensation to undergo such a rigorous operation while aware that no one is concerned about your well-being. If anyone outside of the hospital were aware that I was present, they would likely be praying for my death.

Close-up of Leonie's arm in a hospital bed, with an intravenous (IV) line inserted. Her arm is bandaged, and a hospital identification bracelet is visible. The overall impression is one of medical treatment and possible illness or injury.

I was instructed to take deeper breaths in order to expel stagnated gas from the anaesthetic that was concealed deep within my lungs, as my heart rate was not in sync with my lungs.

25th

Even though I called, my lift didn't show up until 4:10am because the driver had gone back to sleep accidentally. I woke up at 3:00am. When the van broke down on the A30 close to Bodmin Moor, the engine wouldn't start for ten long minutes after one of the wipers on the windscreen failed. The van misfired for fifty more miles, but after we landed on the A303 shortly after Exeter, it appeared to be operating normally. Along the road, I was able to capture a photograph of Stonehenge.

Stonehenge in the distance, on a cloudy day. The foreground is a field of grass with a wire fence. The overall mood is muted and somewhat sombre due to the overcast sky and the distant view of the monument.

At 9:30 a.m., I arrived at a private hospital in Wimbledon. When I was directed to the side of the building, a man in a suit and mask approached the door. He inquired about COVID-19 before opening the door and escorting me to a seated area. I filled out a form and waited. After five minutes, I was taken to the hospital ward and shown to my room. It felt like a room in a normal Hilton hotel, but it was medical.

Sparsely furnished hospital room. The room contains a bed with white linens, a small television mounted on the wall, a wooden wardrobe, a small bedside table with a safe, a chair, a small writing desk with papers and a remote, and another small wooden cabinet. The overall impression is one of clean, functional simplicity. The window is covered by a dark blue blind, and sunlight is visible through the blind and window panes.

I wasn't sure if I would be admitted because I hadn't got the results of the COVID-19 PCR test I took three days ago. I waited an hour and a half for the nurse to return and inform me that the results of the lateral flow test were negative after she performed a swab on my mouth and nose. I undressed, changed into a gown, and discreetly got ready for surgery. Furthermore, I was called to the operating room about an hour early, and I carried a pillow with me. My anaesthesiologist promptly administered a cannula to my left arm, and I was promptly prepared for surgery. Before instructing me to count down from ten, he attached a large syringe filled with white liquid. I was out after three counts. I felt very high after the four and a half-hour procedure, and I spoke a lot of gibberish both before and while being wheeled back to the ward. I experienced no discomfort and drifted in and out of sleep for approximately two hours. A morphine pump was administered, and it began emitting unusual sounds.

They were Italian, Spanish, Chinese, and African, and they were all kind, helpful, and attentive. Upon my arrival, the consultant surgeon informed me that my operation was successful and that there were no complications. After a sigh of relief, I went back to sleep peacefully. It had been a long, hard day.

23rd

I have been thinking about a few things. First, I want to make the panopticon backwards so that instead of making everyone feel like they are always being watched by one person, the victim is made to feel like they are always being watched by everyone. My theory is that there is a containment, group coercion, reinforcing captive mentality, simulating reoccurrences, an invisible street theatre of tricks to trick the mind into an assertion projection to trick consensus. It might be encircled by Rotundra, which means that everyone is rotating to confuse and incapacitate definition, thereby blurring every indifferent rationality. Similar to an animation flip-book, it could also be used to program the victim as the subconscious battles for recognition, focusing on parts that are executing sequences of a single script. Each page or segment would use important aspects of the conscious mind against the subconscious mind.

As a tortured victim of this mind control, I have become more conscious (due to hyperarousal) of the manipulations that take place in the streets. Initially, I considered these projections to be games, a sort of objectification panopticon in which the rules are known to everyone but unclear to the individual.y. A group of individuals is subjected to cultural enrichment, which intensifies the contrast between them. The individual's objectives are traumatized and anchored to symbols to control their focus and move away from the confinement of the group. Foraying moments that define the individual, keep them focused on the swinging pendulum of everyone else. The inferior everybody could theoretically take the place of the person and be surrounded by a more dominant and larger everybody, but ultimately, interchanging segments of everybody is key to manipulating the victim. For example, what I'm talking about here is a Necronomicon, which is a book that brings the dead back to life and makes them only react in ways that were planned ahead of time.

We must listen to and observe the superimposed imposition of our psyche in order to defeat the INGSOC 1984 socialist paradigm. This type of societal conditioning places a strong emphasis on selflessness and most likely takes inspiration from the Buddhist concept of Dharma. The narrative that sustains the motion of this cause-and-effect continuum, morphing and redefining self, is also a critical factor, as it threads passing responses together. To understand how alienation works in the dialectical Marxist lexicon, one must understand that if one loses their sense of self, they will never have a purpose that makes them happy, and their sense of worth will only depend on how the people who run the government distribute it. When observing the processes of conditioning captivation in redefining reanimate compartmentalization, I consider this a defining factor of this everybody groups conformity, as it involves doing anything to avoid being thrown into a pit of emptiness.⁣

20th

I endeavoured to avoid focusing on the pain and allowing inhibition and anxiety to impede my projection today, despite feeling unwell. Together with my friend Koala and his two sons, we loaded our bicycles into his van and travelled to Mên-an-Tol.

Selfie of Leonie wearing a purple and pink knitted hat and a red floral dress under a light gray zip-up jacket. She is standing in front of a large, ring-shaped stone structure, which appears to be outdoors in a grassy area. The sky is cloudy and the overall mood conveys a sense of peaceful discovery or exploration. Leonie's expression is calm and pleasant, suggesting a positive experience at the site.
Stone circle, possibly a Neolithic or Bronze Age monument, set in a grassy field under a cloudy sky. The most prominent feature is a large, horizontally-placed stone with a roughly circular hole in its center. Other standing stones of varying heights are also visible within the circle. Two bicycles are casually leant against some of the stones in the background, suggesting a contemporary setting despite the ancient nature of the stones. The overall impression is one of peaceful ancient history juxtaposed against modern leisure.

Upon our arrival, there were no other people at the site, so we had at least ten minutes to connect with the stones before anyone else showed up.

Landscape with several standing stones, possibly part of a Neolithic or Bronze Age monument. One stone is shaped like a ring. The stones are set in short, grassy terrain, and a distant structure (possibly a tower or building) is visible on the horizon. The overall impression is one of ancient history and a somewhat desolate, yet peaceful, setting.

I endured a state of malaise for two-thirds of the day; however, I began to sense my body regaining the necessary energy in the final third of the day. After my friend Karen told me a story about the area, I arrived at Cape Cornwall at sunset.

Coastal scene, likely in a region with a temperate climate. The foreground is composed of a rocky shoreline with low-lying vegetation and a partially visible stone wall. The mid-ground features a rocky beach extending into calm, grey-green water, with a small wave breaking near the shore. The background displays a verdant, hilly coastline leading up to a higher point with what may be some ruins or an old structure. A small, white building is visible on the upper right of the hill. The overall mood is serene and somewhat muted, due to the overcast sky.

Their ancestral praxis was pushed off the edge of this cliff, and I truly knew the fate of my people who dared to live.

19th

I have been feeling extremely unwell today. I awoke this morning and vomited blood. I was transported to the hospital by ambulance. If the bleeding persists, I will be required to return, and they will contact me to conduct an upper gastrointestinal endoscopy to determine the cause of my ailments. I am currently indulging in a much-needed nap, as the previous evening was eventful.

Close-up of Leonie's arm in a hospital setting. A cannula is visible, taped to the arm, along with a hospital identification band. The band indicates the patient's name (Leonie Blaire-Cooper) and hospital information. The background is blurred but shows a typical hospital environment. The overall impression is one of medical treatment or hospitalisation.

The hospital took good care of me and was very professional. The hospital staff was still respectful to me, even though I was very anxious and did not want to remain for an extended period. I repeatedly requested to leave and refused to undergo an x-ray and a COVID-19 swab. Upper gastrointestinal haemorrhage. My ALT level was elevated at 135.

Close-up view of a toilet bowl. A significant amount of blood is present in the bowl, splattered around the drain.
Ace of Spades

In the morning, I had a lot of blood coming up from my stomach. I had a nice but long walk home from the hospital, and I fell asleep right away, feeling as if my life had been torn from me. I am convinced that I was served an unsavoury beverage in the central bar last night while socializing with the Peter Popoff doppelgänger.⁣

They seemed shocked when I told them I didn't have any family or friends nearby.

16th

It was amazing to discover a pink and white foxglove in my garden this morning. :)

Close-up of a foxglove flower (Digitalis) with off-white petals speckled with deep purple spots. The flowers are covered in water droplets, suggesting recent rain. The plant is surrounded by other greenery in a garden setting. The background is slightly blurred but shows additional plants and a dark metal structure.

The flat is on the first floor, right above this flower.

15th

This rose was remarkable.

So took a picture.

10th

After days of struggle between Ubuntu Touch and Sailfish, I was able to reinstall VollaOS after much tinkering with UBports. This was the day that I resolved my Vollaphone issue.

7th

If you have read Aprils blog entries, you'll know about the satanist who comes to our flat block to prey on vulnerable female resident; today, a neighbour told him what he was.

Since I posted about him, he is now using a dark blue Smart car (with same 666 registration plate of V666 TJH) to pick up and abuse vulnerable women. The car has a red and black interior with 666 stickers on the glove box door.

May

27th

Today I was given a lovely rose from a friend's garden, the smell is so perfume.

But I am cautious so as not to let it near my forehead!

19th

Went out for a ride on my bike today. Took a couple of pictures whilst riding out of Malpas, the estuary smelled awful, I have no desire or plan whatsoever to remain in Cornwall and seek accommodation elsewhere.

The journey was tiring, my BMX rear wheel is broken, the rim is so badly damaged that it looses shape as the spokes become noisier when the wheel turns. I was quoted £220, to replace the wheel, which I cannot afford.

16th

Today a white camper van attempted to soil me with black smoke as it screamed up a hill heading out of Truro. I got drunk with a neighbour, only had two small bottles of Westons cider and got tipsy, but it was enough to give me a massive headache a short while later. My neighbour attempted to give me presents for my flat, but I don't like any things that she gave me, also it feels like an intrusion.

14th

Today I found an anxious neighbour who had not eaten any food for four days, I calmed her nerves down and asked her to come for a walk in the countryside. I explained to her the anxiety she was suffering was both suppressing her appetite and immobilising her, so a walk away from the thousands of anchors within these triggered streets would do her some good.

She calmed down after ten minutes, we walked through a copse and then up to a viewpoint where I go myself when I wish to diminish my stress. Initially, the location was quiet, we relaxed and talked until surrounded by people, as grey skies loomed overhead I walked with her back to our neighbourhood. I place humanity above faceless religion, those who cast marginalisations take advantage and exploit that.

13th

Today I learned to blow out candles on your birthday is a bad thing to do; when I was in India they did not celebrate birthdays, I am now wondering why we, as people of European origin have always lived in a world of ritualised desecration, who has despised us all these years, is it that hard to see?

7th

Viv la.

France!

6th

Today I been helping my friend

With his house and garden.

April

30th

Earlier today, I rode my BMX to the park and captured some photographs.

Leonie lying on the grass in a park. She's wearing a pink jacket and a blue hat, and has reddish-blonde hair. She is looking directly at the camera. Behind her, a bicycle is resting on the grass, and there are trees and some indistinct figures in the background suggesting other people are present in the park. The overall impression is one of relaxed contentment in a peaceful outdoor setting.

When I gaze at my aging visage in the mirror, I inquire of the reflection, "Who drained your life away?"

28th

This is the 20th pot from the spider plant in my hallway. How cool is that?

Row of spider plants (Chlorophytum comosum) of varying sizes in terracotta pots sitting on a windowsill. The largest plant is at the back, with progressively smaller plants in front of it. The plants are in good condition and show off their characteristic long, striped leaves. The window behind offers a view of a somewhat overcast outdoor scene. The overall impression is one of simple, domestic tranquillity.

Traveling on a lonely, empty road for years, I never managed to grow plants, but now we are, how awesome is that?

25th

Tired but not out.

Close-up of a fair-skinned Leonie lying down, possibly resting or sleeping. They are wearing a red floral-print top and a multicoloured knitted hat. Their expression appears somewhat pensive or melancholic. The background features a patterned blanket or throw. The overall mood is quiet and introspective.

Yet!

23rd

I ventured outside to get away from the computer for a few hours and then to walk in a copse today; visited Bosvigo Gardens for five minutes and took this picture:

Have terrible headache and eye tension, so I guess it's another stress migraine.

20th

Today my friend (Koala) drove me to Roundwood, I took this picture of a ferry named “European Seaway” that had moored there.

After I took the picture with my mobile phone, I pondered over a motion whether this ferry could take me far away from this hell.

18th

Is this not just one of the most awesome things.

I now have two pepper plants growing from seed, observed just over a fortnight for it to germinate and grow to this size, photo taken today?

15th

Today and during the last two days I've felt a lot of pain which is probably evident in my face in the photograph below; each day my heart seems to become weaker. I can literally feel myself fading away.

My friend (Koala) rang me early in the morning, asking if I would like to go out for a drive today, I accepted because I need to get out of my flat more. He talks about many things with me but refuses to talk about Martinism, but appears to know what this is and what has been going by. Being raised by Domincan sisters at a orphanage / convent in Zimbabwe must have been really tough for him; I guess we all know where subordinated loyalities lie.

I've known my friend for almost 22 years, I first met him walking down Cowley Road, East Oxford, and I have never known him to not help people. Time has taken its tortuous toll on us both, I can see my poor mental health also in him. I was glad to get out of Truro and being in a car is different to riding a bike, I get to focus on more.

That's it for this day's photographs, I parted company with my friend during the afternoon, shortly after he cooked me a fry up vegan breakfast. I am thinking about going out on my bike more often for longer rides, so watch this blog for more pictures.

13th

Tonight's sunset was the lowest yet, slipping dull darkness.

Shadowing upon the light of my rising soul.

12th

Today I had tea at the colour's café in Truro; very Mediterranean feel about the patio.

I was seated outside due to silly Covid-19 restrictions still being in place.

My spider plan.

10th

BMX ride about Ideless woods today.

Discovered this obsentity spray painted onto trees about where I ride my BMX.

But I enjoyed my ride through Ideless woods anyhow.

8th

Frustration.

Shards of shattered cognition.

6th

Later I learned the white male had been sold crack cocaine by a security guard who had been dealing for weeks on the caravan park. The motivation behind the madness was crack psychosis, which could have seriously injured if not killed other residents in the park. The security companies contract was withdrawn by an infuriated council, and more probably by an unconstructive response by Elite Security. Elite Security began as a splinter company from Frontline Security, who then became the successor of the contract. As far as I am aware, there were no further problems other than unruly residents, infamous for numerous accounts of shoplifting and one incident of GBH; beating up a shopkeeper after he demands stolen items were returned to his shop. Overall my own experience of this caravan park was positive, I gained a good report with services and so was rehoused adequately thereafter.

More recently, this year, just a few days ago I witnessed a new resident moving in to the housing project where I currently reside. She arrived dressed only in “red and black” coloured clothes from an old Mercedes coupe, which displayed a number plate of 666. Hands and arms loaded with presents, including a plant she passed by and made acquaintance. Two days after, she was dropped off again in tears, claiming that the man in the car had taken her to his home and requested that she masturbate herself in view of four males who were also present. The car circled and stopped outside of reception, I saw the driver and instantly recognised him from monkey tree caravan park. Through the night, she requested help with taking a razor to bits to cut herself, to dissociate from the horror she had been inflicted with that evening.

5th

One picture from today, the others were blurred, all of them but one!

Huge amounts of these flowers are commercially grown in Cornwall, were at this time I live.

3rd

Two portraits were drawn of me by housing support workers.

In one of them I look really old, the other malformed.

2nd

Whilst residing in Truro I've been growing lemon trees from seed, nurturing is something travelling prepetuality painfully obscured so I have embrace nurturing of nature yet again. First picture below is of my lemon tree when it first appeared to the light from darkness of a pot of organic soil, this happened about two to three weeks after sowing. The second picture is of the same tree three months later, most noticable change was the way the leaves developed and unfolded and the most prominent effect is the trees staunchness, distinguisahable from plants.

I read it takes about four years for these self-pollinating trees to bear fruit, I am eager for the process to instil a sense of patience into my unique longevity. Growing life is an awesome experience, I wholely recommend anybody interested in spirituality begin this truly awesome process of observance.

1st

Today I feel as though I have lived again, after years of being kicked around the UK, proving fourteen-mile long dissociated marches into nowhere. Today was the first time in ELEVEN YEARS I had a social invitation to go to a place with a group of people who genuinely considered me to be their friend.

We met at a skate park and I rode around on my BMX for four or five minutes before requesting some pictures be taken for this month's blog. My awareness is still on high alert (hypervigilance), even after being settled in a flat for more than a year; being at or even amongst a social event can be very daunting, but I was not going to miss an opportunity to live.

February

12th

Early this morning, twenty or so unwanted rainbow "prayer" leaflets from a Baptist church were spread out across the floor of my flat, nowhere else in the neighbourhood to be found. On Monday, the church will receive a cease and desist notice.

Section of overgrown shrubbery bordering a roadway. A concrete curb separates the vegetation from the asphalt. Small, possibly discarded, colourful items are visible near the base of the bushes. The overall impression is of a somewhat neglected or untended area.
Card lying on the ground amidst fallen leaves and twigs. The card is a dark blue-purple, features a rainbow arc, and contains a message from Truro Baptist Church. The message states that the church is praying a blessing of hope, joy, and peace for the recipient and their household. It also invites people to request specific prayers through their website or by leaving a phone message. The overall feeling is one of offering comfort, support, and spiritual outreach. The card's placement on the ground suggests a random act of kindness or a broader community outreach initiative.

Brings back disturbed memories when I was ritually abused every Sunday by bread breaking "strangers" in 2013 whilst I occupied a ground floor flat in my birth town of Loughborough, Leicestershire. Systematic abuses were so disturbing that I left the entire county to go live in Nottingham.

4th

It took rough victimisation to learn dehumanization as:

If your heart is burning with rage, consider what I've written. That's just a small portion of it.

3rd

Riding my BMX up to twenty miles over Kernow's rolling hills makes me feel better. I frequently compare riding my BMX to flying as I soar through freezing rain, the icy chill of the ongoing Atlantic downpour lifting towards milder days of pure golden sunshine reflected as night by pale moonlight.

Single periwinkle flower, vibrant purple with a lighter centre, in focus against a softly blurred background of lush green foliage. The composition is simple, highlighting the beauty of the flower.
Low-angle view of a grove of tall, slender redwood trees. The trees are densely packed together, their trunks rising towards a mostly clear sky. Sunlight filters through the canopy, illuminating the forest floor which is covered with brown pine needles.
Forest path leading into a grove of slender, bare trees. The foreground is dominated by the large, moss-covered roots of a tree, creating a natural barrier or border to the path. The ground is covered in a layer of pine needles and other forest debris.
First-person view from a BMX bike's handlebars as it's ridden down a narrow trail in a dense forest. The trail is earthy and slightly overgrown with low vegetation. The trees are tall and slender, creating a tunnel-like effect. The overall atmosphere is one of quiet solitude and exploration within a natural environment.

I continued to ride for a considerable distance after leaving the woodland, and as the coldness and hunger intensified, I determined the direction to return to my lodgings for the evening. I spent an hour cleaning my BMX, clothes, and body of the accumulated mud.

January

31st

Lemon trees are still growing even though it's dark outside and freezing rain is falling. It's a damp Kernow winter. I started these two trees from organic seeds. They are growing slowly because I don't want to use artificial lighting, but they should bear fruit in two years!ⁿ

Terracotta pot containing two small citrus seedlings. A light grey/off-white rock is nestled in the soil between the plants. The soil is dark and appears moist. The overall setting suggests a domestic indoor environment, possibly a windowsill, based on the background being a window frame.

I gave away two other extra lemon trees I had grown to friends, and they are not only doing great but are also growing much more quickly than mine!

24th

Yesterday, I embarked on a twenty-mile BMX ride that lasted twelve hours. While this may not appear to be a significant distance to some readers, I would argue that the journey was substantial, partly due to the rough terrain and the absence of gears. If I feel so close to my home country and amazed by nature, but why do these trips feel like they're wearing away at my life, leaving me feeling suffocated and empty when I get back? If my soul is ripped apart and disfigured.

Tranquil scene of a small, still body of water nestled within a copse of leafless deciduous trees and shrubs. A prominent, large, bare oak tree stands centrally, dominating the composition. The sky is a clear, pale blue hinting at late afternoon or early morning light. The overall mood is serene and somewhat melancholic, indicative of the winter season. The scene evokes a sense of quietude and natural beauty.
Long stone viaduct stretching across the frame under a clear blue sky. The viaduct is composed of multiple arches and appears to be somewhat weathered. In the foreground, there's a path with a wooden fence running alongside it, leading towards the viaduct. Low-lying vegetation, including gorse bushes, fills the space in the foreground. The scene suggests a rural or possibly coastal setting. The overall feeling is one of serene, somewhat melancholic beauty. The contrast between the man-made structure and the natural world is striking.
Tranquil river scene. A gently flowing stream meanders through lush green grass that lines its banks. In the distance, a stone viaduct or bridge is visible, suggesting a sense of history and perhaps industrial or transportation past. The overall mood is peaceful and serene, indicative of a natural setting, possibly in a rural area. The sky is clear and blue, suggesting daytime.
Tranquil scene of a calm body of water, possibly a lake or a wide river, under a bright, sunny sky. Two leafless trees stand prominently in the foreground, framing the view of the water. The grass is short and appears to be a bit damp. The overall mood is peaceful and serene, suggestive of a late autumn or winter day.

A portion of the route was familiar from my April 2020 walk from Falmouth to Truro, where I was just before Cornwall Council provided emergency shelter at Monkey Tree Caravan Park in Goonhaven, close to Newquay, following months of surviving on the streets during the first coronavirus outbreak (COVID-19).

Simple wooden jetty extends from the muddy shore into the water. In the distance, the opposite bank is lined with trees and hills under a mostly clear, sunny sky. A small, dark-coloured boat is moored near the jetty.
Foreground is dominated by exposed mudflats speckled with seaweed and the remnants of old wooden pilings. In the mid-ground, calm, shallow water stretches towards a gently sloping bank lined with trees. The background features a clear blue sky with wispy clouds. A small boat is visible near the shore on the left.
Calm water reflects the sky and the surrounding landscape. On one side, there's a gently sloping shoreline with some weathered wooden posts or remnants of pilings visible in the shallows. Across the river, a line of trees and buildings on a hillside are visible in the distance.
Black BMX bicycle. The bike is slightly dirty, indicating some prior use. It is positioned against a white wall. A houseplant is partially visible in the background.

The wind chill of the air rushing past my body roused to freeze me as the sun lowered, numbing my observations which seem to be voiding, infrequently, into nothing. However, I suppose this is a function of dissociation, and not just because my brain is slowing down due to the cold.⁣

16th

Today I rode eight miles on my BMX

Low-angle view of a grove of tall, slender redwood trees. The trees dominate the frame, their trunks rising towards a mostly obscured sky. The forest floor is covered in a layer of brown pine needles and leaf litter. The overall impression is one of height, density, and the quiet grandeur of nature.
First-person perspective of a Leonie's legs and a BMX bike. Leonie is wearing a red floral dress and brown hiking boots. Their legs and the bike are covered in mud, suggesting they've been riding off-road. The focus is on the bike's handlebars and front wheel, which are also muddy. The background is a light grey gravel surface. The overall impression is one of a muddy, outdoor biking adventure.

through very muddy woodland.

15th

Another accident has appeared.

Large bruise on a Leonie's thigh. The bruise is a purplish-brown colour and covers a significant portion of the visible skin. The skin itself appears pale. The lighting is somewhat dim.

I've read that this is a typical side effect of complex PTSD, but I don't know when or how. When nobody cares? Who is nobody?

7th

The right kind of exercise is critical, so I ride my BMX at least every other day.

Three small boats, appearing to be dinghies or fishing boats, are beached on the exposed mudflats. The boats are white or light-colored, and one has an outboard motor attached. The background shows a gently sloping shoreline lined with trees and bushes under a clear, sunny sky. The sun is quite bright, causing reflections on the glistening mud and water.
Close-up view of a tree branch completely encased in ice. Numerous icicles of varying sizes hang from the branch, some long and pointed, others shorter and more stubby. A single drop of water is visible at the tip of one icicle, suggesting a thaw is beginning. The background is blurred but reveals a wooded area with other trees and a section of a stone wall or building.
Tranquil scene of a calm body of water, possibly a river or estuary, under a clear blue sky. The sun, positioned near the center of the frame, is bright but not harshly so, casting a gentle reflection on the still water. The far bank is lined with dark, silhouetted trees and hills, creating a peaceful and serene atmosphere. The foreground shows a muddy shoreline glistening with sunlight.

To promote both physical and mental well-being.